WARNING: While this blog is generally SFW, some entries contain sexually explicit/queer content. NOTE: It's best to read this blog starting with the first entry on January 3, 2021 , and then proceed chronologically. It will be a lot less confusing! I have been a student of the Diamond Approach (DA) since my mid twenties. I've dedicated my life to that path and have found it to be incredibly effective at piercing through the veil of the ego and revealing the sublime nature of reality. For those of you who aren't familiar with it, DA is a spiritual path elucidated by A.H. Almaas. It combines depth psychology with elements of Sufism and eastern mysticism. In my opinion, it's one of a handful of effective spiritual teachings. Students invariably experience release from their habitual, constructed self and delve into some deep and profound dimensions of reality. I can't do it justice in just a few sentences but you can check out the school's website here if you&#

March 9, 2024

  A bit of a head-scratcher today that has left me unsettled. I’m pretty sure I did the right thing but am also questioning myself. I mean, it’s not like I have a choice with these ‘missions,’ right? They present themselves to me and I trust that they wouldn’t be available if it wasn’t the right time for the soul (or souls) involved. My actions are guided by intuition which is another way of saying non-doing. The non-doing practice is one of listening and acting upon what I ‘hear’. I’m not exactly certain about the circumstances surrounding the death of the souls I encountered this morning. If I were to take a guess, I’d say it was a small cult whose members all died simultaneously. I’m not ready to go so far as to say it was a suicide cult because I get the sense their deaths were less suicide and more murder. But the picture is unclear and it feels like a complex mixture involving both suicide and murder. People are strange so it shouldn’t be surprising that their deaths can be stran

March 7, 2024

  This morning’s journey was a tear-jerker. I cry at least once during these journeys into the Imaginal. I can’t help it; it’s an automatic response when I’m confronted with the full force of each soul’s story. There is beauty and suffering and all sorts of emotions. Souls that are stuck carry a lot of baggage with them and my heart has to be open or the meeting wouldn’t happen. Somehow, I’m led by my heart to find them. I shudder to use the cliched terms ‘frequency’ and ‘resonance’ because they are bandied about by all sorts of spiritual snake-oil salespeople these days. However, it’s not wrong to say there is an affinity. Perhaps this affinity or attunement is what leads me to them? I only know that I don’t get attracted to souls that I don’t empathize with. So, maybe it’s empathy? I’ve begun to realize that a blocked feeling in my heart presages the visit of a lost soul. It’s taken me a long time to understand that this feeling doesn’t have anything to do with me or my personal hist

March 4, 2024

  I had another multi-realmed experience today during meditation. These experiences are fluid and shifting. Also, the symbolism is more relevant to the person I’m sent to find but it pulls imagery out of my own experience to match it (more or less.) First, I became aware of golden light in the midst of dark green and black. I approached. It took some time to resolve itself but I finally perceived a being in the midst of the golden light. The light, I should point out, was like buttercream rather than honey. In fact, everything in the midst of the pool of light appeared to be made from buttercream. (I’ve been to a ‘buttercream realm’ before during these journeys.) The figure before me was of ambiguous gender and appeared to be wearing a Medieval jester’s costume. As I watched, it collapsed, breaking into many pieces. What to make of this? I stared down at the fragments. As I did so, they dissolved, forming a black hole. I traveled down into the hole, finding myself in a vast, dark ballr

March 2, 2024

  Today, I saw an icy, dead eye staring at me. It was ice blue and covered in frost. This entity, I knew, had come looking for me. Her icy appearance was an indication of being from the Land of Souls. Indeed, as I looked around, I realized I was back in that realm and this being before me appeared to be a horse. It was ghostly pale, blue-white, and its intestines were hanging out of its belly. Around it were ghostly scavengers, coyotes and ravens. The scavengers were ringed about a scene of carnage. The snow was covered in red blood, the only color besides white and blue in this realm. Curious, I stepped forward to examine this circle of blood. Somehow, I knew that my own soul’s blood was required before anything could happen so I casually opened a small vein on my arm and let my blood drip out. It joined the blood of the others strewn across the ground. Blackness arose around me then and, when it dissipated, I was standing in another realm that mirrored the one I had just left. This o

February 27, 2024

  No Imaginal sex today for once. ;-)  I was really planning to have a simple meditation but it didn’t work out that way. I became aware of the Black and then I realized I was surrounded by a pack of what I thought at first were black wolves. Their eyes glowed light blue, the color I have come to associate with the Land of Souls, for lack of a better name. These weren’t wolves, though, because, while they seemed menacing at first, I soon realized they were just agitated. They appeared to be huskies which are sort of wolf-like so I can be forgiven for mistaking them. In any case, the black dogs surrounded me, barking insistently and pleading for me to follow them.  I was still in the realm of the Absolute but it was a border region. All I had to do was look outward and I could see the edge of the realm. Up ahead was a shining blue-white beacon. It was so beautiful that it brought tears to my eyes. One of the dogs took my wrist in his mouth and pulled me toward the beacon. As we approach

February 26, 2024

  This was a bittersweet morning and one that led to an epiphany as well. I was focused on simply meditating and was successful for much of the time. Towards the end, though, I became aware of deep blackness. Of course, I opened to it. After sitting in the intimate blackness of the Absolute, I realized that I wasn’t alone. First I perceived a pair of jade-green, slitted, feline eyes and these slowly resolved into the form of a black panther. When I was child, the black panther was both the animal that I felt the most drawn to and also the one I was most afraid of. I’ve written in here how afraid of the nonexistence of the Absolute, fearing that when I die, I will simply be erased. I think the black panther represented this fear in animal form because the panther is stealthy and deadly and hunts at night. The fact that it’s black only added to this association with the annihilating quality of the Absolute. I recognized this black panther from a dream I had when I was five years old. In

February 25, 2024

  Today I learned a little more about the process I’m involved in. I guess it’s like an apprenticeship where I’m being slowly but surely trained. Right now, the Woman in White is my sensei but I have had at least one other in the past: Remember the mysterious entity who would sit with me during meditation and place his hand over my left hand? He was a steadying force and intervened on occasion when I was in over my head. There have been others who appeared (Jesus, various angels, etc.) but not on quite the same ongoing basis as the Woman in White. I realized today that I won’t be her apprentice forever and that made me sad because, as you know, I’ve grown quite fond of her and I appreciate her teaching style. She is the right teacher for me right now. Funny how that works. Today, I became aware of sapphire waters. I realized I was floating on the edge of a vast sea whose waters were deep blue and beautiful. The waves gently pushed my body onto the shore and I got up, looking around, to