Showing posts from April, 2021

April 30, 2021

  I realize that the problem with writing about these experiences in the Imaginal is that as soon as they are put into words, they become concepts; i.e., they’re reified. To be clear, this happens before I write them down in my mind. Reification is just part of having an ego and living in the world of dualism, objects and object relations. Because they become reified, they sound kind of silly, almost two dimensional. It’s hard to convey the immanency of the experience, the depth of it and the way it touches me in a very particular way. I’m not sure what the solution is other than to say, “You had to be there.” And, “Words cannot describe the experience.” Today, I was aware of the presence of people (ancestors?) from my alleged past life. They were keen to let me know that they were proud of me, that I was a window for them. In some way that I don’t understand, apparently I am a doorway or a window or some sort of avenue toward liberation for them. They gambled that even beyond death I

April 28, 2021

I notice that I am receiving teaching during these ‘trips’ (well, they are pretty trippy!) to the Imaginal or whatever the eff it is. The theme of the past week or so has been seeing the divinity in everything; i.e., not splitting. Now, the Diamond Approach includes this in its teaching and it’s a focus both of various retreats and it shows up in inquiries. I haven’t experienced it so personally tailored to me, though. My tendency to split has been revealed in many inquiries over the years but it’s always shown up as personal knowledge, not a vivid, full spectrum experience involving other entities. I’ve had numerous entities show up during my meditation sessions, meeting and acknowledging me personally and helping me to see the truth of various teachings as they pertain to me and my history and my experiences. They’ve helped me to realize just deeply I split off the ‘good’ parts of myself from the ‘bad’ ones. Not surprisingly, a lot of the so-called bad stuff has to do with my sexuali

April 24, 2021

This morning it was a new entity. If I am interpreting it correctly, she was the sister of the one I call Lucifer. First, I saw a moon on high in the deepest night. There was a swirl and then I saw her, a being of night wrapped in a midnight cloak and bearing a sword similar to Lucifer only hers was the purest black. The sword of the Absolute, the bringer of peace, the bearer of power. The sword was a marvelous thing to behold, so sharp and so black. It shone with the absence of light and was quite beautiful. I knew that it could cut through anything, just like Lucifer’s. This angel of night observed me closely. I bowed to her, perceiving the Divine through her. I was deeply touched. She said, “My brother told me about you and I had to see for myself.” She raised her sword and pushed into my chest, piercing my heart with ease. I felt no pain, though. It was like the touch of love and truth at the same time. She was rendered mute by what she saw. I could tell she was moved and I was mov

April 23, 2021

I didn’t realize that karma was such a big deal. I’ve heard about karma forever but don’t really know that much about it because I’ve dismissed it as silly. I’m beginning to see that it’s real, although perhaps not in the way that I may have thought. It’s akin to the Christian notion of sin, although less judgmental. Christians are obsessed with sin and retribution, good versus evil, etc. I don’t get that sense about practitioners in the East, although through karma they definitely understand that addressing injustice is important. Injustice needs to be addressed even if it isn’t addressed during our corporeal lifetimes. I get the sense it’s a more powerful experience if injustice is addressed while we are physically alive but, one way or another, it will get sorted out. This appears to be related to the evolution of the Divine. Everything needs to come into balance, to be recognized, seen and worked through, no matter when. Prior to now, I haven’t spent much time thinking about karma

April 19. 2021

  “Hell is a maximum security prison where the guards are trying to free the prisoners.” A couple days ago, I experienced visiting the place of the death of my clan and myself while the embers were still glowing and everything was charred. I was aware of Griffin there with me and we simply walked through the wreckage together. That was it. I took a break from the Imaginal yesterday and simply meditated. This morning, I was back at the gates of hell. It was clear this is where I was because it appears like black prison of despair. I was on the outside looking up at the dark towers, hearing the shrieking of the demons and the damned. At the same time, I knew I was on sacred ground and the perception of hell as divine and sacred was almost as strong as the perception of its darkness. The bleakness of the place is due to the suffering of the so-called damned. It was a strange sensation because I think most souls perceive hell as the former and not as the latter. Yet, it is both. From the p

April 16, 2021

Today, I think I visited the place where my people died or maybe where they were buried. I found myself with Griffin by my side and we were standing on the ruins of possibly some fortified location or maybe a barrow. It was hard to tell exactly, although I recognized it and immediately felt a connection. The place was covered in tall, green grass and was barely more than a large mound. There were places here and there where the remains of stone walls poked out amidst the grass. I stood there, leaning against Griffin and feeling both a connection to my long dead people and also their presence. There was something going on there that I didn’t understand. This wasn’t just a visit to pay our respects but something else. I got the sense that Griffin knew more than I did. It felt significant but in what way I don’t know. It’s weird having both personalities alive inside me at the same time. There is my current personality with my character traits and then this other, earlier one that feel li

April 14, 2021

Today, I retrieved a fragment of a memory from my previous life with Griffin. I found myself standing before the mouth of a large cave from which a wide stream flowed. It was a familiar place, deep in a primeval forest. Green is the prevailing color. The tree trunks were covered in moss, lush ferns grow along the stream. Even the water was emerald green. It’s cool and misty and the cave is at the base of a rocky, wooded hill. In the vision, I know that my beloved Griffin is inside the cave. I walk inside, wading through the shallow water, to find him standing their naked. His immense, muscular body is covered in green mud or dye. He is cold standing there but also clearly in somewhat of a trance. I am scared. I don’t want to enter the cave. I don’t want Griffin to be there and I implore him to leave. I cling to him, pressing my smaller body against his much bigger, strong one. He gently pushes me away, telling me I know what to do, that everything will be fine. Reluctantly, I part and

April 13, 2021

  I have been consciously resisting the visions that arise during meditation until today. I’m still on the fence about the significance of these visions. Are they brain farts? Delusions? Fantasy? An overactive imagination? I keep coming back to this: The visions come through the same subtle sensing I use to discern Essential states, Diamond Vehicles, Boundless Dimensions, etc. They appear with all three centers (mind, heart, belly) activated and feel the same as Essential experiences. The question that comes up is this: If these are delusions, why do I experience them in the same way as Essential states? They don’t show up in the same way that fantasies or imagination. Fantasies and imagination are like watching movies in my head. They may trigger an emotional response but usually they do not. Also, an emotional response is different from the full-spectrum sensing of the three centers when they are activated. If I take my Essential experiences as real, the question arises why can’t I d