Showing posts from February, 2021

February 14, 2021

I’m really horny right now and would prefer to jack off to porn but I’m going to write this instead. There’s not a lot of news to report. I meditated this morning and met up with my new guide, the silver elf, and we meditated. That was it. No trips to the Imaginal or any other fantastical voyages. Still, it felt good to have him there because his presence is so grounded and steady, he doesn’t appear to get distracted like I do. I have been feeling like my meditations are pretty consistently grounded but, after this morning’s experience, I see I have a ways to go to develop my concentration. It helps having a guide there in your field of awareness; his presence prompts me to return to meditation when I begin to wander.  I’m just guessing here but my sense is that our soul needs to develop a lot of capacity to remain grounded after the body dies. Being embodied is both a blessing and a curse; a blessing because it allows us the perfect opportunity to learn how to ground our experience -

February 13, 2021

  The Elves: The past couple weeks have been pretty quiet on the Imaginal front. After my ego was overwhelmed by the magnitude of the need I encountered, it shut down my experience. I could feel my ego using the muscles of my body to contract the muscles around my heart. Now, this didn’t actually have any effect on my heart as it’s an essential organ and thus not under the ego’s purview; however, it did have the effect of blocking my experience of the Imaginal. It made me realize that the ego normally serves as gatekeeper to our experience, allowing or blocking awareness of sensations and experiences. This makes sense because our souls need to develop certain capacities in order to handle experiences outside of the physical, emotional, psychological and egoic realms. In the Diamond Approach, we slowly develop our soul’s other capacities as we digest our egoic structures and come into contact with Essence/Being. I get the sense that I was only able to perceive my experiences in the Imag

February 1-3 and February 11, 2022

  February 1-3, 2022 Over a series of three meditations, I had the experience of being visited by a human/demon hybrid. That is, a human soul melded with a demon. At first, I thought they were a single being but the human soul split apart from the demon pretty quickly after they appeared. I’m pretty sure the human was male and I’m not sure if he was still embodied or not. At first, he wore the guise of a demonic sheep. Although grotesque, it was clear that he was suffering greatly. He seemed like someone who believed in his own evil so completely that he thought he was beyond redemption.  I didn’t do anything, didn’t attempt to engage him, just let him be there. During the first meditation, he seemed to vacillate between open hostility toward me and neediness. I also got the impression that he was weary. Weary of being an outcast, weary of being monstrous and just plain weary. I also sensed that he was hungry for contact with another human and that might explain why he was there with m

February 1, 2021

I have my limits. Today, I was meditating like a good boy; i.e., staying with my Kath center and not allowing myself to be drawn into the Bardo. I did pretty well for a long time but the ‘window’ in the front, top of my head was open and eventually I realized that there was a shrouded figure waiting for my attention. The scene was an old graveyard and the spectral form was wrapped in a shroud. Inside, I could ‘see’ her skeletal bones. What’s a boy to do? I couldn’t very well tell her to go away, now could I? So, I opened to her. It was touching, this communion between souls, feeling her wake up and gradually transform. So beautiful, so touching and also sad. Sad because she had spent so long believing she was lost, that no one loved her, no one would find her. Beautiful because her soul transformed, became filled with light and life. Touching because of the raw vulnerability that was present in both of us. When it was over and she had moved on, there were others waiting. Many, in fact.