Showing posts from April, 2022

April 28, 2022

  Some brief snippets which may or may not be significant: Yesterday, I met another dragon, or I should say that I remet her. She was in an all-white world, a forest of trees touched by frost with snow blanketing the ground. She was frost-white and crystalline, yet soft as well. Her ‘fur’ was pure crystal, so fine that it was soft. Her face was vaguely antelope or deer-like, though wider. She had a pair of backward sloping horns. Her eyes were red as rubies. It was a gentle, sweet encounter. After a while, I realized that, while I was still in the all-white world touched by frost and snow, I was no longer in the forest nor was I with the dragon. Instead, I was standing at the edge of the forest before the gates of an all-white city. This city was different from the ‘White City’ I visited in the Bardo–the nexus of souls traveling through the afterlife. That city was warmed by a radiant sun in a pure blue sky and was built entirely of white marble with crystal-clear blue fountains here a

April 25, 2022

  I’ve been steering clear of the Imaginal for a while because I have been focusing on simply meditating. I know the Imaginal is there if I need it; it’s always there, always available and so I’m wary of overusing it. It seems like something that should only be accessed sparingly, although maybe that’s not true?  My edge of inner work is pretty obvious right now. My mother’s health continues to fail and this is triggering anxiety for several reasons. One reason is that it brings up the still mostly unconscious state of my dual unity with her. You know, that state from infanthood when I was merged with her. She was depressed, empty, afraid and overwhelmed much of the time and used me for her stability. She got reassurance out of merging with me and I had to precociously ‘grow up’ or at least pretend in order to give her the emotional stability she craved. In doing so, I got what I needed from her but I also got unbridled access to her screaming emptiness. This incredibly deficient empti

April 12, 2022

  Even after all of this time, I still waffle back and forth about whether these experiences are unconscious fantasies dredged up from my imagination or if there is anything real about them. I’m skeptical. If you take the experiences of the past several days since I started asking for teaching, there is a theme involved, albeit not one that I was expecting when I asked to be taught. The teaching that seems to be emerging has to do with the ‘nuts and bolts’ of the Imaginal: The jewels in the center of the Tree of Immortality, each representing a portal to another realm. Each day, I’ve visited another realm represented by a jewel. Each realm has its own feeling, it’s own time, it’s own vibe. Why am I being shown this? The critical part of me thinks this is a stupid teaching. In the past, I’ve just appeared in whatever realm I was led into. Why this part about the jewels in the heart of the Tree of Immortality? It seems redundant. Can’t I already go wherever I need to? It doesn’t seem use

April 11, 2022

  I said goodbye to my fellow traveler today. You know, the guy who was originally frozen in a block of ice (metaphorically, of course) and who spent the past several days with me. I don’t know who he is but I have my suspicions. In any case, I kind of expected him to take leave after yesterday when we emerged from the belly of the whale in the Holy Land. I’m still on the fence about deciding to go the Christian route but am leaning that direction. I realize that it doesn’t require that I go to church or even study the Bible. This is learning through gnosis, presumably from the original teachers. If I had to, I could probably stomach going around and identifying as Christian but the religion has become so tainted that it’s hard for me to swallow it. We’ll see. We spent much of the meditation in the ‘green realm’ - this is the realm I mentioned in my entry on the Tree of Immortality. I have an affinity for the green realm, maybe because I have a history there. It’s close to nature and t

April 10, 2022

  It appears I have a choice to make. You know how I changed my tact recently in my approach to the Imaginal, right? Recall how I realized that I’d been a bit of a dullard for the past year - it took me that long to realize that one of the reasons I’ve been called to the Imaginal is for teaching. My physical world teachers are great but I’ve sort of outgrown them and need to expand my learning. I’m pretty sure the Imaginal appeared in my meditations for this purpose: To further my learning through providing teaching, very personal and tailored teaching. Yesterday, my fellow unnamed acolyte and I were led to the heart of the Tree of Immortality, a place one cannot approach without being willing to die first…or having died already, possibly many times…because the heart of the tree is poisonous. (People mistake immortality to mean never dying or undying which, if that were possible, would make us vampires. My understanding of Immortality is the opposite: One must accept death, one must di

April 9, 2022

  Today, the man who had been frozen in the block of ice returned to me in a vision. He was quite handsome with black hair and a short, black beard and beautiful brown eyes. The connection between us felt distinctly brotherly; i.e., that of equals but without any sexual connotations. He appears to be a rare straight male who is perfectly comfortable, even welcoming of a homo like me. In the vision, I was sitting beside him on a wooded bluff overlooking a vast lake. It’s early springtime and the wind is chill and the grey-blue clouds on the horizon are dramatic. The trees are still bare of leaves because it’s so early in the year. It is quite beautiful. He’s sitting next to me. I recognize his presence from yesterday. He smiles at me and reaches over to ruffle my hair before turning back to enjoying the view of the lake. Sitting next to him made me rethink the question of who rescued whom. Yesterday, when he was ‘trapped’ in the block of ice, I somewhat arrogantly assumed that my presen

April 8, 2022

  I was correct about Leah, the Ridhwan teacher that I reached out to recently about the Imaginal. She has a lot of experience ‘traveling’ in the Imaginal and her experiences comport closely with my own. Hers have had a somewhat different focus (while she has had experiences helping lost souls, she has also studied with Mary Magdalene and Yeshua whereas my teachers tend to be in the underworld.) It’s been good to share our experiences, mostly because I am human and it feels good to have another person I trust and who is also a Ridhwan teacher validate my experience. We’ll see where this goes from here. I think my decision to reach out to Leah signals a shift. I haven’t wanted to admit that I need a teacher, probably for egoic reasons. I’ve believed (naively, I think) that I could ‘go it alone’ in the Imaginal and didn’t need a teacher any longer. While this may be partly true–certainly, I’m capable of following and responding to Diamond Guidance–the Imaginal is a vast terrain and I’m s

April 1, 2022

  Today, I realized that I might benefit from a teacher. I’m not 100% certain it’s necessary but I could probably benefit from guidance from someone who has more experience in the Imaginal than I do. I sat with it and thought that my new Diamond Approach teacher, Leah, may be able to help. I checked out her website and noticed that she has experience with mystical Judaism and has written a book about souls joined through time. It’s entirely possible that she has experience with the Imaginal that my current private teacher lacks. So, I sent her an email. Hopefully, she doesn’t think I’m completely crazy. As I was meditating, thoughts of reaching out to Leah were in my mind. After a while, I felt a presence. Unlike many of the beings I encounter in the Imaginal, this one was undisputedly feminine. She was unique. It would be easy to describe her as a vamp (I know that’s an antiquated term but it’s the one that comes to me). Not that she was trying to seduce me or even was overtly sexual.