Showing posts from October, 2021

October 24, 2021

  Nothing explicitly Imaginal has been happening over the past few days, although I continue to feel the hand of the mysterious entity on my left hand while I meditate. Last week was our biannual Diamond Heart retreat, held virtually over Zoom due to the pandemic. I began the retreat with mixed feelings; part of me values the Diamond Approach and recognizes its effectiveness and another part wonders if it’s time to move on. I wasn’t tempted to leave my group but was thinking seriously about dropping out of a new “deep integration” series of retreats I’ve signed up for. A few days into the retreat, though, everything shifted and I recognized how much I still rely on the DA for doing soul work. It’s practice of inquiry, combined with the wisdom and presence of the teachers, make it invaluable. I was reminded of this when I uncovered and at least started to work through a stubborn constellation of object relations that has been a stumbling block for me for as long as I can remember. It ha

October 21, 2021

  It’s probably too early to call it a trend but I am noticing that the breadth of my experiences in the Imaginal has started to transcend the human to encompass other beings, including our brothers and sisters of the so-called animal world. Perhaps one of the lessons from my meeting with Grandmother Spider (or whatever is the proper honorific for the Divine Mother I met a couple weeks ago) is that humans aren’t the apex. There is no apex. All beings, including non corporeal and perhaps even the inanimate, are equal. All have their place. All are important, vital, necessary. As you will know if you have been reading these entries from the past couple weeks, my experiences have involved non-human animals. I tend to perceive them as human/animal hybrids but I wonder if that’s just my human bias? Maybe I see them as humanoid because I want to? It’s possible that individual non-human animals are not sapient like ‘us’ but that doesn’t mean that they don’t possess spirit or that there aren’t

October 19, 2021

  I’ll just put this out there: Today’s entry is erotic and will probably make you think that I’ve tipped into the realm of fantasy. The thing is, it didn’t feel like fantasy. It felt just like other trips to the Imaginal. The entity who has been sitting to my left and holding my hand for nearly two months was the focus of this journey. He is definitely male and, while still shadowy, his form (or one of them) has been coming more into focus over the past week or so. He isn’t human and his affect is distinctly neutral, although I think I mistook this neutrality for disinterest on his part. I know that doesn’t make any sense - why would he show up every meditation to hold my hand if he was disinterested? I’ve written before about human souls. They are distinct in their indistinctness. They morph a lot...or they don’t. The stuck ones seem confined in their suffering. Their form seems restricted rather than free-flowing. Once liberated, though, they are back to being their malleable selves

October 13, 2021

  A strange and slightly creepy experience in the Imaginal today. I’m aware that, as I put it down in words, it will sound more sinister than it actually was. The prevailing feeling was really one of neutrality, not dread...despite the circumstances. As I meditated, I became aware once again of being observed. You’ll note that it often takes me a while to figure out what it is that is present because it takes a while for the being to resolve itself in my inner seeing. This one seemed like an alien being and it very well might be an alien being but it might also be a spirit. I’m not sure. I was aware of clouded, white eyes lodged in a skull that looked sort of like an elephant’s skull or maybe a horse’s. I was reminded of the ‘Flayer’ from Dungeons and Dragons fame, not that I’m very familiar with these invented creatures. It appeared to be floating. It’s body was covered in jet black hair. The hair was midnight and weightless, ruffled by an unseen breeze. The being hovered before me, s

October 12, 2021

  I should know by now not to doubt the Imaginal because there is always a method to its madness, although that method may remain obscure for a quite long time. I still don’t have a full understanding of what the fuck the dogman was all about but I do have a bit more insight. You may recall that yesterday when I met him, he said he needed my help. My meditation ended, however, before we got to what sort of help he needed. Today, when I sat down, I almost immediately perceived a black window. It seemed like it was in a laboratory. The floor was concrete and everything had a clinical feel to it. Not very welcoming, cold. It took me a moment to remember my initial experiences in the Bardo; at those times, when I was drawn to lost souls, they were invariably trapped in blackness. I knew that this was another one of those situations; the soul I was there to retrieve was behind the black window. I stepped through it and found a figure lying on its side on the floor. I realized that it was na

October 11, 2021

  Gosh, sometimes I just don’t know WTF to think about my experiences in the Imaginal. Again, I keep coming back to the distinction between these experiences and my imagination. My imagination is vivid but it’s just visual; I see images in my head and I can manipulate them, guiding my imagination in the ways I wish to explore. The imaginal is different; it’s full-sensory and I don’t have control over what I experience. It just shows up and demands my attention. Usually, I am quite lost as to what is going on and how it relates to me until far along in the experience. It unfolds in unexpected ways. While it’s coherent, it’s also like sitting down in front of a TV and watching a program that I didn’t select and that is unfamiliar to me. Oh, there are ways that my imagination is engaged. For instance, I can tell that the imagery is often pulled out of my imagination. This tells me that I should take the forms that appear in my Imaginal experiences with a grain of salt. Still, even though

October 10, 2021

  “With freedom comes responsibility” Days go by and I’m simply meditating. It’s fine, I love meditating and feel like my practice continues to deepen. I’m still aware of the entity to my left, holding my hand as always or at least since August 26. I can ‘see’ the various blockages that arise in my field of awareness like when my instinctual drives get triggered, ego structures emerge, fear contracts my experience, all manner of things that can dampen clarity. Today, I was meditating like always, simply aware of my experience and nothing particularly Imaginal. I should note, however, that even when I’m simply meditating, I’m aware of what I call ‘Life 360’ - the full experience of living which includes death. It feels like a fullness, like a body-based understanding of the way life and death are the whole. Death isn’t necessarily just an ending, although it is certainly a transition. And life isn’t simply the opposite of death. In fact, I don’t really see life and death as being opposi

October 5, 2021

  After this morning’s experience in the Imaginal Realm, I think I now understand at least a part of the reason I am called there to help lost souls. It seems so simple that I’m surprised I didn’t figure it out before. Let’s see if I can sum it up in a sentence or two. The vast majority of humans don’t engage in spiritual work, especially not the kind of work that I do. Because of this, almost no one has a direct experience of the Divine, let alone know themselves to be made up of the Divine. In the Diamond Approach, we refer to this as recognizing our true identity as that of the Absolute. After many trials and tribulations, we come to know ourselves as the Absolute. This involves nonduality and it's pretty esoteric. Suffice it to say that even people who are deeply engaged in spiritual work rarely experience this. I don’t know why it takes so darned much work, so many years and tears and so much difficulty...but it does. Perhaps it’s because we humans are still pretty primitive w

October 1, 2021

  The trick of the Imaginal is differentiating between imagination with a small ‘i’ and the Imaginal with a capital ‘I’. Often, I think they’re mixed. Some experiences are so clear and so profound vis-a-vis my recent blessing by Jesus Christ and others are more clouded. There seems like there is something universal happening but it could also just be more imagination getting in there and muddying the waters. My usual barometer is the extent to which the experience is visceral; i.e., involving all senses to a high degree. If it’s mostly mental/visual, then I chalk it up to imagination. If it pulls me full-force into the experience, then it’s most likely Imaginal to a high degree. I’ve been particularly horny for the past several days, the experience peaking on Sunday/Monday but still being palpable even this morning. I had forgotten how potent arousal can be. The sexual instinct is certainly nothing to dismiss lightly. While it’s influence may wane as I grow older, it still has the capa