Showing posts from January, 2021

January 31, 2021

  Today, I followed my teacher Bob’s advice again and simply meditated, keeping my attention on the Kath center. While this meant that I ‘resisted’ being pulled into any other states of consciousness, I found that I enjoyed the simplicity of a meditation. I was aware of being connected to other realms while I meditated but the focus was on the meditation and not the other realms. This was refreshing and revitalizing; I hadn’t realized how much energy I expend when I’m drawn into other realms.  The quality and feeling of my meditation has changed, opened up so that even though I wasn’t ‘going’ anywhere, I felt more deeply connected to the Absolute as the source of all being. This seems more important than traveling to other realms because, as much as I hate to admit it, this traveling does pull me away from the focus on Being which is the whole reason for doing inner work in the first place.  I think going forward I will take a break from journeying and focus on simply being. I may deci

January 30, 2021

  Helping lost souls isn’t the only thing. Today, I was depressed and avoided meditating because my teacher, Bob’s, perceived criticism triggered a super ego attack. My super ego judged me harshly for ‘inventing and fantasizing’ everything that has happened over the past month. I did other things today and then took a nap before finally meditating this evening. There is definitely more going on than fantasy and imagination. My centers are all engaged in a way that only happens when I’m following the thread the truth in inquiry. Diamond Guidance is engaged and propels me into new realms regardless of what my feelings might be. I’m beginning to see that the soul is simultaneously present in multiple realms at once. It reminds of that Netflix series, Sens8 , where eight people from around the world are all linked by their senses. It’s very similar to that show (without the disturbing, murderous pursuers) because I close my eyes and am intimately linked to other individuals in other places

January 29, 2021

  I keep waffling on whether I’m inventing my journeys into the Bardo. Yesterday, I received an email from my Diamond Approach teacher, Bob, that was terse. He inquired if I was still doing my meditation practice, implying that I was shirking my practice by getting carried away with my “job” in the Bardo. (His quotes.) I didn’t reply and will sit with it for a while. I don’t think he realizes that it takes more work to resist entering the Bardo and to remain sitting, blocking it out, than it does to be present with the journey. It is very insistent and I’m not really doing anything beyond seeing what is presenting itself to me and feeling the response in my soul to what I am witnessing. I’m not going to get into that in an email, though. The email had the additional effect of making me think I’m making it all up. I know that what I am experiencing is outside of the scope of the DA teaching. Hameed Ali, the main teacher in the school, generally skirts the Bardo and Imaginal. I am probab

January 28, 2021

  Today, it was three women. I was tired this morning when I meditated because I woke up early and was hungry, pretty much like yesterday. This time, I sat for a while, thinking that I wouldn’t be called into the Bardo. I was wrong. After a few minutes, I became aware of a vast, black, empty sea and a vast, black, empty sky overhead. A beautiful and poignant scene. I was sitting in a small, golden sailboat, the only light coming from the soft glow of the boat’s timbers. I looked up and saw a hideous, black ‘monster’ rising up over the side of the boat; however, I could tell immediately this was no monster but a lost soul. I stood and helped to pull the monster into the boat. It had shaggy, thick and sodden hair and a deeply lined and malformed face.  As I always do, I asked who this was and she told me that she was ugliness and loneliness combined. I realized that the woman’s outward, ugly form was the way she saw herself, that she believed deeply that her ugly appearance was why she h

January 27, 2021

  This morning I woke up early and was incredibly horny, already composing a new erotic story in my head. The tiredness and horniness were a bit of a distraction and made it more challenging for me to settle my mind. I assumed that I would probably not make a ‘trip’ to the Imaginal because of this and indeed it did take me a while before I was invited. For about fifteen minutes, I enjoyed a meditation like they used to be, albeit with an expanded soul awareness that I wasn’t part of my experience a month or so ago. Soul awareness is a good term because it feels like I’m tuned into a wider spectrum of experience that includes ‘information’ beyond my ego experience and physical sensations. Of course, this is not exactly new because for years now I have been aware of the Essential Realm which includes the perfect forms of Being, aspects of Essence, Diamond Vehicles and the Boundless Dimensions. This new experience is more soul-based and has opened me to additional realms of Being that are

January 26, 2021

  The mystery continues. This morning my trip to the Imaginal had a decidedly queer twist. I started out meditating, perceiving the leaves of a sycamore tree as I did so. I was sitting in the tree, looking out at the hazy blue sky. Below me, the field was rocky and grassy and sheep were grazing. Beside me, a shepherd boy was lying back on a branch, playing a flute. I climbed down from the tree and looked down the hillside and out onto the shimmering sea. It was hot and sunny. There was a small town next to the sea about a quarter of a mile away. Its buildings were simple brick covered with mud or stucco. I got the sense I was in the Mediterranean somewhere, perhaps the Holy Land or somewhere in the early Christian diaspora. As I stood there, a cloaked figure approached. I gave a start when I realized it was a ‘corpse’ still wrapped in its funeral shroud. The impression of the face revealed on the outside of the shroud made me think of the Shroud of Turin but this was definitely not Chr

January 25, 2021

  This morning was different and perhaps heralds a change or maybe just an evolution of my meditations. I had meditated for a couple minutes when I started to become aware of a winter seascape in the Imaginal. It was clearly the Imaginal because it had that mythical quality to it. It feels like True Nature is pulling imagery out of my unconscious mind and assembling it to tell a story. This isn’t so different from daydreaming or the creative process I go through when writing. The difference is that my subtle centers (belly, heart, mind) are engaged and I’m aware of Diamond Guidance operating like a bright window opening in the center of my forehead, providing illumination and revealing the magic of the Imaginal. This time the process had barely gotten started when it was ‘hijacked’ by another winter seascape. This one, however, didn’t feel Imaginal at all. In fact, it felt pretty darn real. Which, in my experience so far, means that Griffin was involved in some way. I don’t know whethe

January 24, 2021

  I am tired and resisting entry into the Bardo/Imaginal but that doesn’t stop me from entering it. It does, however, mean that I don’t feel as engaged when I’m there. My mind center is open so I am seeing everything but my heart and belly don’t feel activated by what I’m witnessing. I notice that when I relax and am not resisting as much, it is like a veil is lifted away from my heart and belly and I’m much more present. The reason I’m resisting is because I keep wanting to discredit what I’m seeing. I want to chalk it up to my imagination because it’s so outside the realm of my usual experience. It seems so fantastical that I discount it. It couldn’t possibly be true! But, as I mentioned above, this doesn’t stop me from visiting the realm and seeing everything; it just keeps me from fully participating in it. Today, I found myself standing on a rugged cliff overlooking the ocean. It was nighttime as usual and I was alone at first. After a while, I became aware of what I took at first