January 25, 2021
I don’t know whether Griffin was actually standing on the shore of a lake or sea, looking at the horizon where the sun was either rising or setting...or if he was just imagining one. It certainly looked more real than the Imaginal and also more mundane. (The Imaginal is sparkly and symbolic; this was beautiful but also pretty normal.) I could see the rocks on the shore and the clear water at my feet. The smooth rocks in the shallows were clearly visible. Clouds hung overhead, reaching almost to the horizon, but there was a small break near the horizon where the red light of the sun was filtering through.
Unlike the previous two or three times I’ve encountered Griffin, I wasn’t beside him but inside of him. I was in his body, feeling his inner experience. I could see his ego structure and feel the patterns of tension in his body much like I would experience these in my own body. It is a supremely weird experience feeling into my body and having Griffin’s overlaid at the same time so that I’m essentially experiencing two inner bodies at the same time.
Griffin’s inner experience is darker, cloudier and more restricted than my own. I’ve grown accustomed to a certain degree of inner freedom wherein my awareness isn’t trapped by my ego structure and is relatively free to roam. If it weren’t like this, I would never have been able to travel to the Imaginal in the first place. With Griffin, it’s sort of like my inner experience has reverted to an earlier, less ‘purified’ state. I guess that makes sense because I get the sense that this version of Griffin hasn’t been engaged in Inner Work, although perhaps he recently started meditating which why I have access to his awareness when I see. That could be a bit of a stretch, though. (Who am I kidding? This whole thing is a bit of a stretch and I have no idea what the fuck is going on or even if I’m imagining it all.)
I sat inside Griffin’s experience, grounding the meditation for both of us. Griffin isn’t an experienced meditator so this requires more effort but it wasn’t too difficult. I just sat there, feeling into my experience and Griffin’s. I savored his essence which is so rich and masculine and familiar. The connection we share goes back a long time and I feel like I know him intimately even if at the present time he doesn’t seem to remember me.
He seemed less tired and confused and resistant this time than he was yesterday or the day before. It feels like he’s fighting the connection less and even somewhat open to feeling me inside him and retrieving some of the impressions of our lives together.
Even though the experience was weird, it was also comforting. I liked being inside Griffin, feeling him inside me in such an intimate way. I felt like our synergy strengthened the longer we sat together.
At one point, the Imaginal opened up and I found myself inside Griffin and the Imaginal at the same time. I became aware of a green glow. I was in a cave. There was water from an underground pool. On the other side of the pool was a chamber. I passed across the pool and into the chamber where I could see a glass casket. The casket and the chamber were glowing green. I approached the casket and looked down. There was a woman inside but she wasn’t dead, only sleeping. She had snakes twining around her head but for some reason I knew she wasn’t a Gorgon but a priestess of some sort. I got the sense that she had been contained in the casket either to protect her (like putting her in a sort of suspended animation) or as a punishment...or perhaps for some other reason.
When I slid the glass lid back and the woman opened her eyes, she didn’t seem surprised. She smiled and allowed me to help her out. I turned and saw that brilliant, white light was streaming through an opening on the other side of the chamber. I knew we were supposed to leave through that opening but the woman was afraid of the light.
This was a new one for me because usually the souls I help are afraid of darkness more than they are afraid of light. This time, though, the woman shrank away from the light when I tried to lead her into it. I stopped and felt into the light, realizing that it was so blinding that stepping into it felt annihilating. Simply putting my arm into it caused it to disappear. I stepped into the light and opened to it, inviting whatever wanted to happen to happen. The light was dissolving but it was also celebratory. If I looked at it in a particular way, I could see rainbows refracted from its spectrum. All of the colors of Essence were there. Sure, their effect was to erase everything but the result was renewal and not death. (Although death would have been fine, too.)
When I stepped back into the greenish cave, the woman was reassured and this time didn’t hesitate when she stepped into the brilliant white light and disappeared.
Back to Griffin. I’m not sure how much of this interaction in the Imaginal he got but it doesn’t really matter, I suppose. The important thing is that he was more welcoming of my presence. He fought the experience less and didn’t seem as exhausted. We even indulged in a little sex play, remembering the fun we had when we were together the first time.
I enjoyed sitting in him until my time went off a few minutes later.
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