January 30, 2021

 Helping lost souls isn’t the only thing. Today, I was depressed and avoided meditating because my teacher, Bob’s, perceived criticism triggered a super ego attack. My super ego judged me harshly for ‘inventing and fantasizing’ everything that has happened over the past month. I did other things today and then took a nap before finally meditating this evening.

There is definitely more going on than fantasy and imagination. My centers are all engaged in a way that only happens when I’m following the thread the truth in inquiry. Diamond Guidance is engaged and propels me into new realms regardless of what my feelings might be. I’m beginning to see that the soul is simultaneously present in multiple realms at once. It reminds of that Netflix series, Sens8, where eight people from around the world are all linked by their senses. It’s very similar to that show (without the disturbing, murderous pursuers) because I close my eyes and am intimately linked to other individuals in other places, times, realms. 


Tonight as a meditated, I resisted going to the Bardo and kept my attention on my belly center. My head was foggy and it was difficult to concentrate but I did manage to gradually become centered. Despite my best efforts, though, to remain in my body, my head center kept wanting to open. It’s like a window in the center of my head that suddenly opens, revealing new worlds. It’s more than my head, though, because my heart engages as well, pulling me into the realm that is revealed. My belly provides the grounding, keeping me steadfastly oriented toward the truth. So, even though the realms being revealed are incredibly vivid, it’s not just a visual experience. All senses are engaged and activated. It’s pretty fucking amazing.


I kept seeing green and black. Green and black. Green and black. As much as I tried to resist, tried to stay in the meditation in my body, I kept being drawn into this new realm. My heart was pulling me toward it as well, responding to the call of this realm, longing to see, to open to it. 


It took a while because I was so worn out and resistant. (“Bob sez I have to stay grounded in my meditation! Bob sez to stay in my meditation!”) It didn’t matter, though. I was already ‘gone’. I opened my eyes and was with my sisters. They were welcoming me home. And I was a sister as well. This was a sisterhood of beings in a green forest realm that made me think of the elves in JRR Tolkein’s books. Forest elves, all women, dedicated to the living, breathing, holy forest. The link seems to be the forest god to whom I was pledged in another life but I could just be inventing that. What was real was that my sisters were welcoming me home.


I remember being called to this realm before, several years ago. At that time, it was just flashes of imagery. Now that my mind is open, though, it’s a full sensory experience that unfolds, seemingly in real time. My heart opened to these beings and my eyes were filled with tears of gratitude and homecoming. These were my people, my sisters.


And yet I didn’t feel like this was a past life. Instead, it was like being linked to this other being. Our souls were linked in some way so that we shared senses. And my soul knew that it belonged here, that this connection was normal and natural. I was inhabiting this woman’s body and yet separate at the same time. Clearly, this realm wasn’t part of my reality here on Earth. Where or when it was, I have no idea. 


The funny thing is that the experience of meditating in the soul of this elven huntress with her sisters put my mind at ease and I no longer cared about whether Bob believes me or not. I don’t need him to tell me what is real. Even though what I am experiencing is mysterious and I don’t have an explanation for it, I can tell it’s real. All my senses are telling me this. I relaxed, my superego stopped beating me up and my mind, heart and belly were clear and at ease. I felt reinvigorated. My soul had awakened a bit more to its truth, reclaiming it. It was a time to rejoice!


I’m fully aware of how surreal and unbelievable this must seem but, rather than questioning my sanity, my approach going forward will be one of curiosity. I’m like a researcher, curiously studying my environment and taking notes. Bit by bit, more will be revealed and the picture will become clearer. At first, it’s bound to seem bizarre and unbelievable but over time as more is revealed, I’m sure the picture will become clearer. 


For now, I’m left with the feeling that the soul is a manifold. Reality efulges from within its medium, continuously revealing more of its truth. The ‘layers’ of reality bubble up, the soul is simultaneously present in multiple realms at once. The Bardo/Imaginal is just one possibility. For all I know, there could be an infinite number of other possibilities. I don’t know but I’m looking forward to finding out!


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