February 1, 2021

I have my limits. Today, I was meditating like a good boy; i.e., staying with my Kath center and not allowing myself to be drawn into the Bardo. I did pretty well for a long time but the ‘window’ in the front, top of my head was open and eventually I realized that there was a shrouded figure waiting for my attention. The scene was an old graveyard and the spectral form was wrapped in a shroud. Inside, I could ‘see’ her skeletal bones. What’s a boy to do? I couldn’t very well tell her to go away, now could I? So, I opened to her. It was touching, this communion between souls, feeling her wake up and gradually transform. So beautiful, so touching and also sad. Sad because she had spent so long believing she was lost, that no one loved her, no one would find her. Beautiful because her soul transformed, became filled with light and life. Touching because of the raw vulnerability that was present in both of us.

When it was over and she had moved on, there were others waiting. Many, in fact. At first, it was just a few from the same graveyard but then I realized there was a multitude of shades. What’s more is these were the recently deceased, mostly people who had died alone, sequestered in ICUs, infected with COVID-19 and other ailments. I don’t know why these people haven’t appeared to me before, given the tremendous number of people who have died of the disease. Maybe it was because there are so many and the need is so great? In any case, I opened myself to them as best I could but after a while found myself overwhelmed and I closed off. I wasn’t afraid and I didn’t try to close myself off; it just happened. My soul has a natural shut-off valve, apparently, that kicks to prevent getting flooded and overwhelmed. Either I will need to grow and increase my capacity to feel so many at once, to open them and the tremendous compassion needed, or I am just not strong enough for this number and someone else will need to step in.

This was the first time I’ve had so many show up at once. I’m not averse to this happening again but will have to wait and see how things develop. Clearly, I am a work in progress and need more time to develop my capacities. Going forward, I will try to do a better job of listening to Bob and staying focused on my meditation practice. Maybe once or twice a week I will schedule an additional meditation with the exclusive purpose of journeying in the Imaginal.


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