April 23, 2021

I didn’t realize that karma was such a big deal. I’ve heard about karma forever but don’t really know that much about it because I’ve dismissed it as silly. I’m beginning to see that it’s real, although perhaps not in the way that I may have thought. It’s akin to the Christian notion of sin, although less judgmental. Christians are obsessed with sin and retribution, good versus evil, etc. I don’t get that sense about practitioners in the East, although through karma they definitely understand that addressing injustice is important. Injustice needs to be addressed even if it isn’t addressed during our corporeal lifetimes. I get the sense it’s a more powerful experience if injustice is addressed while we are physically alive but, one way or another, it will get sorted out. This appears to be related to the evolution of the Divine. Everything needs to come into balance, to be recognized, seen and worked through, no matter when.

Prior to now, I haven’t spent much time thinking about karma and sin and injustice but am now because it has been a continuing theme in my experiences in the imaginal. Before, I squirmed at the thought that there might be a divine super ego, keeping track of all of our foibles and meting out punishment. I am slowly coming to understand, though, that all of those slights, crimes, etc. don’t just go away. They wait for redress, whether we take care of them while we’re still alive or do it later after our bodies are dead.

And the process isn’t punitive; it’s actually quite beautiful and touching.

I started out this morning with an encounter with the Absolute in the form of the Beloved. There was no thing, no image, no anything at all and yet there was. I’ve experienced the Beloved before but this was the most intimate and personal experience I’ve had. The Beloved was there in the form of the Lover. Love in all of its forms from the most sublime to the most carnal, all was included and it was all for me, directed at me. The push was to get me to recognize not only that I am loved but EVERYTHING about me is loved, not exclusions. The full range. All of me. And all is holy. Even the dark, twisted, cruel and perverse in me is divine.

You can imagine that this was difficult to take in, yet I did my best. I was profoundly moved by the experience and grappled with the part of me that seeks to divide everything into compartments and judge them. I have such an ingrained tendency to reject the bad and embrace the good...and then feel bad about myself because of the ‘bad’ parts. I have internalized the Christian ethos that exhorts us to always be good.

I’ve encountered this split between good and bad inside myself many times before. This time, the Beloved was keen to make it powerfully personal and in my face. Over and over, I was confronted with the truth that the Beloved wants ALL of me, loves ALL of me. ALL of me is sacred. All of me is holy. It’s deeply confrontational in a very loving way.

I think the message soaked in at least a bit. The theme of everything being sacred has certainly been drilled into me over and over the past several months.

The experience shifted away from the Beloved and over to Lucifer. At first, I was aware of being personally connected to him in the way I’ve become familiar. However, this time I slowly saw how deeply and passionately he loves people. He is head over heels in love with us and will do anything for us. This is why he is dedicated to saving those ‘condemned’ to hell and also why he is drawn to me.

The experience shifted toward the sexual and I was aware of Griffin’s presence. Lucifer usually shows up as a silvery nude man, lithe and lean and hella sexy. His silvery essence rubbed off on our bodies as we came together and soon all three of us were shiny silver. Nothing was off limits, all was welcomed. Griffin needed no encouragement because he’s always up for sexual fun (he has an endless appetite!) but it took me longer to relax. Again, I was confronted with the lines I’ve drawn around sanctity. Sex and sexual pleasure are bad and can never be holy.

Except they are.

Everything is holy. Everything is welcome. Everything. No exceptions.

When this knowledge is present, it’s hard to take a hard, moral stance about evil. Even evil is holy. How else could it be? This doesn’t mean that one has permission to do evil because it’s divine, just that the nature of everything is divine, therefore you can’t split out evil from it. It is all divine.


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