September 26, 2021

 Today, I was back in the stable, only this time the Christ Child wasn’t the forefront; it was the others who were present, or rather the atmosphere of love, dedication, companionship, camaraderie, purpose and holding. For most of the meditation, I was just aware of concentrating. Finally, I realized that I was trying to focus on something - the belly center, my heart, whatever- and just let go, allowing my awareness to open up. At that point, I realized that the surrounding atmosphere of my meditation was subtly different and, at the same time, similar to yesterday’s meditation.

Rather than blackness, I was aware of dark brown. It’s the quality of light that pervades an indoor space when there is just a little light seeping in. The environment felt warm, cozy and crowded. I was aware of many beings crowded together in an enclosed space. These beings included a whole range of entities from animals to humans to non-corporeal beings. Not all of them were Christian but I got a strong sense of common purpose. All who were gathered here had been invited, called, guided. The Christ Child was implicit but the shared sense of purpose and love was explicit.

Ordinarily, I find enclosed, crowded spaces to be suffocating. This time, though, the coziness and the humbleness of the stable felt warm and inviting. And the pervading sense of common purpose was palpable. I knew that not only did all of us assembled share a common love and devotion to the truth as expressed through Christianity but we also had each other’s backs. We were there just as much for each other as for all other beings. I felt touched by this tender understanding.

I’ve written before about the solitude of the Diamond Approach path. I’m seeing, however, that perhaps that was related to one of my ego structures. The rugged individualism that saturates my culture has also saturated my ego and its effect it to make me feel isolated and cut off.

Further, I am seeing more clearly that my experiences of the past nine months or so are related to my soul’s development, particularly in the ‘aftermath’ of dissolving (so many times) into the Absolute. My home group, the Great Lakes Diamond Approach, held several retreats on the Absolute last year. This teaching had a big impact on my soul, guiding me toward the Absolute, in what I now believe to be (one of) the culmination(s) of the so-called Journey of Ascent.

The Journey of Ascent is roughly the journey of seeing through ego and recognizing oneself as an emanation of the Divine (or a Child of God in the lingo of Christianity). This is followed by the Journey of Descent whereby the individual soul returns to the world bearing the gifts of its enlightenment. Another way to see it is as the soul being born into a new world, the world of the Divine. (In Christian terms, being born again into the Kingdom of God.)

My experiences of the past nine months can be viewed as in initiation into the Mystery. It is like being born again because like being born as a baby into the physical world, there is a sense of being born into a new world with its own laws. Just as we have to figure out as a child how to live in the physical world with people, as a born-again soul, we have to learn how to live in this new, mysterious cosmos. There are commonalities between the physical/ego and numinous cosmos but they are not the same things. I am like a babe in the woods as I explore this new realm (or series of realms). I guess the benefit is that the numinous cosmos is not a dangerous or threatening place, especially for those who know themselves to be the Children of God. It’s not like the physical/ego world with its perils, traps, misattunements and sometimes intentional inflicting of suffering. It’s a gentle, tender place filled with kindness and good will. True, there is suffering but the suffering isn’t caused by the numinous, rather it’s addressed by the Divine and its representatives. It’s an overwhelmingly hopeful, healing and beneficial place.

As Christ said, the Kingdom of God is within you and this is good news. I see now what he meant by that and agree that it is indeed good news. If the Kingdom of God was somewhere outside of us, then it would be a fraught and perilous existence. Perhaps this belief, codified by the ego’s inherent external/relational orientation, is the cause of a lot of our suffering? Not all of it but certainly this misconception does cause some.

I feel like my orientation is aligning with the truth, this knowing of myself as a child of the Divine. I am seeing the physical/ego world more clearly as its true nature. I see the light of the Divine emanating from within, saturating all realms, all beings, all places. If the cosmos is a mandala, the center is this Divine Light and all else is penetrated by it. Everything in its place, everything given its due, the holy order of the cosmos. I get it now.

I’m not saying I always get it or that I don’t have a lot of work yet to do but I am getting it more and more all the time. I am grateful for being invited/initiated into this new understanding of creation and wish only to serve humbly as I am best able to. I see that I don’t have to go looking for the Work, the Work will find me and is finding me. By being open and receptive to it, I am naturally guided to serve in the optimal way. I feel my trust growing and commitment to the truth deepening.

If the way I am drawn to serve is in the Christian realm, then so be it. I am ready and open and willing.


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