October 11, 2021

 Gosh, sometimes I just don’t know WTF to think about my experiences in the Imaginal. Again, I keep coming back to the distinction between these experiences and my imagination. My imagination is vivid but it’s just visual; I see images in my head and I can manipulate them, guiding my imagination in the ways I wish to explore. The imaginal is different; it’s full-sensory and I don’t have control over what I experience. It just shows up and demands my attention. Usually, I am quite lost as to what is going on and how it relates to me until far along in the experience. It unfolds in unexpected ways. While it’s coherent, it’s also like sitting down in front of a TV and watching a program that I didn’t select and that is unfamiliar to me. Oh, there are ways that my imagination is engaged. For instance, I can tell that the imagery is often pulled out of my imagination. This tells me that I should take the forms that appear in my Imaginal experiences with a grain of salt. Still, even though they are pulled out of my imagination, the forms are important because they relay critical information about the experience. They shouldn’t be taken literally but they do seem to point toward important truths.


So, yesterday it was a giant spider and today it was a cynocephalus. I’m being tongue in cheek because obviously yesterday the spider represented far more than just a spider. I’m pretty sure that the form of a spider was chosen because it is the representation of the Divine Creator in some Native American mythologies. Grandmother Spider is a big deal for some tribes. Also, I’ve heard of her before and had one other experience with her back in my early twenties when I was partially knocked out during a wisdom tooth extraction. I’m sure it was no coincidence that she chose that form to arise in my consciousness.


But a dog-headed man? (And he was most assuredly a man, let me tell you. We ended up getting very intimate during our encounter, leaving no doubt in my mind of his maleness.) At first, I was aware of his face, not the rest of his body, but even from his face I could tell he wasn’t just a dog. There was a humanity to his features that suggested a hybrid between man and dog. Also, it was clear he was a dog and not a wolf or a coyote or another wild canine. I don’t know what breed he would be but he was mostly brown with a white stripe down his forehead. His ears stood up like a shepherd’s and his coat was medium length. I think his eyes were blue which seems strange. Or maybe he had one blue eye and another of a different color? 


He was quite handsome and he was *very* happy to see me. Not in a frisky dog sort of way but a more human-happy sort of way. He called me ‘brother’ and immediately got very close. We embraced and I was very happy as well. It felt like a reunion for some reason, although I have no recollection of meeting him before. He indicated that he’d been searching for me and was overjoyed to have finally found me. I was also overjoyed and couldn’t stop hugging him. (Not only handsome, he was sexy as well. His body was corded with muscle beneath his furry pelt and, other than the fur, was mostly human, although his fingernails were somewhat clawlike and his feet looked more like big paws than human feet. He was hung, too, something I couldn’t fail to notice. His penis was like a dog’s, retracted inside a sheath with just the tip of his bright red doggie dick poking out. His balls were large and encased in a furry sac. He was hot! (I know, I know! I’m a pervert but you try to restrain yourself when a naked, smokin’ hot dogman throws himself at you!)


Why a dogman? Why did his appearance trigger such an emotional reaction? If we take the premise that this episode is my unconscious dredging up material from the past, then it’s possible that my feelings toward dogs and men merged. I mean, I’m a dog person and love them to pieces. Also, I miss my dog, Ajax, a lot. I know it’s a cliche but he was such a good dog! I loved everything about him.


This dogman didn’t remind of Ajax at all, though. His personality was quite distinct. And, while there was a strong affinity between us, it didn’t feel the same as my feelings toward Ajax. This affinity felt clear: Humans and dogs go way back. We’ve been living together and evolving together for a long time. I almost felt like this dogman could be from the future or perhaps another reality, one that is similar but divergent from my own.


I remembered the divine creator’s request that I help not just humans but all beings, regardless of their biology or location. That was clear. Is it a coincidence that this guy showed up this morning, the day after I met the divine creator? Was it my imagination generating him? Again, I have no answer to these questions and can’t explain it. I’ve been going back and forth about how much I trust what I see in the Imaginal since the very beginning and, while the sheer number of experiences stacking up is compelling, it is not evidence. I can’t prove anything and no one can corroborate my experiences. I am stuck not ever being able to know for sure.


Anyway, the dogman and I not only shared an affinity that felt connected to our two species but he also indicated that he needed my help. I don’t know what for; we didn’t get that far. It’s possible that this was just a random experience and it will just be left hanging. If that’s the case, then I will write it off as fantasy. It’s too soon to tell.


I should point out that this isn’t the first experience with an animal/human hybrid I’ve had in the Imaginal. A few weeks ago, I had a vivid experience of merging with a sharkman. This was more like a possession; his form melded with mine temporarily. It was intense and also somewhat erotic but the sharkman didn’t feel like a fellow traveler in the Imaginal; he felt more like a demigod or some sort. I didn’t write about it because it was so random and also a little embarrassing.


Well, there you go. I’m not sure if I will ever post this entry on my blog. It has called into question every experience I’ve had in the Imaginal, once again shaking my confidence and making me wonder if I’m just fucking imagining shit.


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