April 1, 2022

 Today, I realized that I might benefit from a teacher. I’m not 100% certain it’s necessary but I could probably benefit from guidance from someone who has more experience in the Imaginal than I do. I sat with it and thought that my new Diamond Approach teacher, Leah, may be able to help. I checked out her website and noticed that she has experience with mystical Judaism and has written a book about souls joined through time. It’s entirely possible that she has experience with the Imaginal that my current private teacher lacks. So, I sent her an email. Hopefully, she doesn’t think I’m completely crazy.

As I was meditating, thoughts of reaching out to Leah were in my mind. After a while, I felt a presence. Unlike many of the beings I encounter in the Imaginal, this one was undisputedly feminine. She was unique. It would be easy to describe her as a vamp (I know that’s an antiquated term but it’s the one that comes to me). Not that she was trying to seduce me or even was overtly sexual. Rather, she wore her gender and sexuality as power and exalted in them. I could tell this is the sort of feminine power that terrifies patriarchs but empowers women. It is power without men, something that the patriarchy finds abhorrent but, well, let’s just say that I don’t. In fact, I find it refreshing. Women don’t need men to be powerful. Femininity is powerful in its own right and doesn’t need to be the counterpoint to masculinity. It can just be itself.

Lilith is the name that came to me. I get why Jewish men have referred to her as a demon but the reality is that she is much more powerful than any demon, much wiser and much more complicated. She felt inherently good to me even if she was indifferent to me. Well, that’s not entirely true. She wasn’t indifferent, just not super interested. Her curiosity was mild but she indulged me, taking the opportunity to survey me to see what I was all about. There are no secrets in the Imaginal and I couldn’t hide anything from her even if I wanted to. She could see me. All of me. And I guess she liked what she saw and determined that I was legit because she agreed to assist. I know it’s corny to write this but I wonder if she is somehow joined to Leah? If so, it would make sense. If she is one of Leah’s protectors, I wonder if Leah is aware of her?

One thing that surprised me was that Apis appeared while Lilith was appraising me. He wasn’t being defensive or protective, just letting her know that he was there. They seemed to know of each other or maybe they have met before? Apis makes me think of Baal. He is ancient and always appears with bull-like attributes, although his form changes a lot. So, is there a connection between Baal, Apis and the bull worshiped by the Myceans? It’s possible that my beloved Apis is that ancient. If so, I’m honored that he deems me worthy of protecting. 

In any case, Apis and Lilith met and didn’t hate each other. I don’t know what the takeaway from this is and, of course, I’m aware of how ridiculous this entry will seem to anyone reading it who doesn’t have experience in the Imaginal.


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