April 10, 2022

 It appears I have a choice to make.

You know how I changed my tact recently in my approach to the Imaginal, right? Recall how I realized that I’d been a bit of a dullard for the past year - it took me that long to realize that one of the reasons I’ve been called to the Imaginal is for teaching. My physical world teachers are great but I’ve sort of outgrown them and need to expand my learning. I’m pretty sure the Imaginal appeared in my meditations for this purpose: To further my learning through providing teaching, very personal and tailored teaching.

Yesterday, my fellow unnamed acolyte and I were led to the heart of the Tree of Immortality, a place one cannot approach without being willing to die first…or having died already, possibly many times…because the heart of the tree is poisonous. (People mistake immortality to mean never dying or undying which, if that were possible, would make us vampires. My understanding of Immortality is the opposite: One must accept death, one must die over and over and over. Only by surrendering to death can one know immortality. I’ll bet if people knew the truth about immortality they wouldn’t find it quite so desirable - the cost is everything you think you love! Still, immortality is never the goal and can’t be the goal. If you approach life seeking immortality, you will never find it. It’s another of those paradoxical spiritual truths.)

Today, the meditation started out with my compatriot and me in a dark place. I’m not sure if it was supposed to still be in the heart of the Tree of Immortality or not. It didn’t feel poisonous, though, just dark. We sat in silence in the darkness, simply breathing. After some time, a passageway appeared. It looked sort of like it could have been made of ice because it was blue-white; however, it wasn’t cold which made me think it was layered rock. It reminded me of the days when I would meet Griffin during the first days of my journeys - I would invariably be led to him by way of a cave tunnel through layered cobalt and white rock.

This tunnel didn’t lead to Griffin, though. Instead, we found ourselves standing before a huge eye. The eye was easily as tall as I am and clearly belonged to an enormous whale. This whale was far larger than any living whale, though, and reminded me of a proverbial leviathan of the deep. The eye observed us in the way that observation happens in the Imaginal, that is to say that there was gnosis or full-knowing. It is not possible to hide or deceive in the Imaginal because the beings there can ‘see’ everything about you, all of your past, present and probably future because time has no meaning there.

The whale was female (if gender has any meaning) and she was benevolent. Being in her presence was soothing. She was very wise, very knowing. Simply sitting in her presence had a catalytic effect upon my soul, softening it, preparing it. I didn’t what I was being prepared for but it turned out to be a journey.

The next moment, we were inside the whale. At first, I couldn’t tell what happened because it felt like we were in a tunnel of dead flesh but I soon realized that the whale was not dead and the flesh surrounding us was very much alive. It was kind of what you would expect the inside of a giant whale would be like, though, kind of gross. Still, we were safe and unharmed.

Of course, the Biblical tale of Jonah and the whale came to mind. How could it not? I may not be very familiar with Christianity but I remember that tale. God sent the whale to swallow Jonah and bring him back to Nineveh. It turns out that our whale had something similar in mind because she brought us to a land by the sea that was clearly the Holy Land. When she opened her mouth, we were on the shores of a blindingly white sand beach and in the background stood a city of sand-colored buildings. There was no mistaking it and could be nowhere else.

Curiously, my heart was closed when we emerged from the belly of the beast. My companion didn’t seem to harbor the same trepidation that I did but I didn’t sense that he was overjoyed to be there, either. Perhaps both of us have scars from our experiences with Christianity?

The reason for my trepidation was clear: I might be slow to grasp what’s happening sometimes but I’m not completely thick-headed. My call for teaching had been heeded and I’d been brought here to continue my education. The nature of that education was clear: I was being asked to accept Jesus Christ and become a Christian.

Needless to say, I am resistant to this and, while I didn’t say no, I didn’t say yes, either. I need more time to make up my mind. I can feel the inexorable pull that been here since the beginning of my forays into the Imaginal and I know where it’s been leading me. But I’m not quite ready to make that decision, even though I already know that I will. It will take some time yet for me to be completely on board with that decision. You can’t rush it!


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