September 11, 2022

 It’s been pretty quiet for the past week but this morning I was visited by the same shaman I met a couple weeks ago. He appears to be a relatively young guy and I think he’s indigenous American, at least that’s the way he seems. I can tell he’s young because he runs hot and is full of youthful passion. I think he’s gay, too.


There was a definite attraction between us when we met the first time and I had a feeling I would meet up with him again. This morning, he showed up and was full of desire, burning hot. He was also full of hatred toward me, I think because I’m white. He seems resentful that a white guy should be doing what I do and can’t quite believe that I am not a fraud of some kind. In any case, our coming together was intense, full of passion, desire and hatred and mistrust. It was volatile but I stayed calm and didn’t push him. In fact, when he came at me in the form of a vicious animal/bird, I was quite submissive. I wasn’t worried about being hurt; there is nothing he can hurt. So, I just let me rail against me until he calmed down.


After that, our time together was more peaceful and he allowed himself to simply be curious about me. I opened to him, allowing him inside so he could see I’m no fraud and that I am sincere. I could feel inside of him as well and could see that his heart is still sort of wooden, the way a heart appears when it’s been hurt and still mostly egoic. An enlightened heart is very different as I’ve described before.


While he was with me, I was called into the liminal space. At first, I saw a horse skull or demon with the face of a horse skull. I figured that it was no demon, that it was a person who was taking themself to be demonic but I wasn’t sure. After a while, the ‘demon’ shifted and became a young man. He reminded me of the heavy metal stoner dudes from high school. We used to call them ‘burnouts’ but I don’t know what they’re called these days. 


He was kind of nerdy in addition to being rebellious and, in life, probably had long, stringy hair and stringy facial hair. Probably smoked a lot of pot and maybe drove a motorcycle. You know the type. In any case, he was a bit belligerent at first but, like the young shaman, calmed down when he realized that I was the real deal and that I was there to help him.


It happened really fast. One minute, we were in his personal ‘prison’ in the liminal space and the next, he was ‘rescued’ and back in the Imaginal. He went from living in black and white to living in full color and he was awfully adorable. Appearing before me completely naked, his body was skinny and his penis modest with a little patch of brown pubic hair. His face, though not exactly handsome, was striking, mostly because his eyes were so vulnerable. That’s what happens when people leave the liminal space: Their hearts wake up and they live again. It’s stunning to watch and very touching.


I could tell the young shaman (who was still with me) was touched as well. We were in a green glade that reminded me of a tamarack forest in the springtime when their needles are so fresh and vibrant. I knew that a guide would be coming for the young man and, sure enough, she did. It was same guide that I’ve met a bunch of times before; she appears somewhat differently each time but always is white with blue. This time, I saw a golden star first and she descended like the Queen of Night in the famous opera. Curiously, the closer she got to the ground, the plainer she became. By the time she reached the young man, she was so plain and stripped down that her plainess was radiantly beautiful. Completely unpretentious. I find I am falling in love with this woman, whoever she is. She is so beautiful, so compassionate, so tender, so caring, so human…even though I don’t think she is human now, although she may have been at one time.


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