September 25, 2022

 The teaching these days is about how the nondual embodiment of the Truth is transformative. When the soul not only awakens to Truth and knows itself as Truth and embodies Truth without schism or separation, it not only transforms but it becomes transformative to those around it. This is most obvious in the spiritual realm, less so in the physical world which is the realm of ego and rarely does the ego allow itself to be transformed. Its nature is to always go back to the way it was and change is very incremental. In the spiritual realm(s), though, this is not the case. Ego can’t survive long without a body and, if it does, it can easily be transformed.

I see that the soul is not only a portal but is catalytic as it wakes up. So, it may open onto different realms but anything that comes through is transformed in the process. I understand now that this is why I am called on. It is rare, it seems, for a soul to be awakened. There are many, many entities in the spiritual realms but few are awakened to their nature. For this reason, those that are awakened are sought after. They seem to be sought after because, in their small way (at least in my case), they are ‘tools’ for restoring balance and harmony. I’m sure there are some that are incredibly potent (like Christ or Buddha or some Bodhisattvas) and these can have a huge impact. There are probably a lot more like me who have a catalytic effect but the effect is narrow and localized. Still, even this is rare and we are therefore sought after.

All this is not to say that we don’t need help! I am far from perfect and am very much a work in progress. I have very definite limits and need support, too. Fortunately, there always seems to be other entities who are ready and willing to step forward and help me when I need it. I can’t do it alone - it’s an ecosystem, a complex and living ecosystem and we each have our role to play.

I am realizing how vast and dark the shadow of humanity is. Our societies are so far out of balance that we’re not just harming ourselves and our home, the Earth, we are also throwing off the inner balance. My impression is that, because in the physical world, everything is tilted heavily to the material (the Yang), our shadow in the spiritual realm is heavily tilted toward the Yin. When Yin and Yang are in balance, there is harmony. Out of balance Yang is tilted too far toward the material and out of balance Yin is tilted too far toward the twisted darkness of spiritual nature. Toxic masculinity meets toxic femininity, although it’s currently out of fashion to use gender descriptors here.

My own soul has a proclivity for blackness. I resonate with it. Even so, there are times when the blackness is too toxic even for me to tolerate for very long. Case in point was this morning. I found myself in toxic blackness, the out of balance Yin so powerful it was smothering. It wasn’t any danger to my physical body so I was never at risk of really being smothered but it nonetheless felt like I couldn’t breathe. I’ve learned to not resist, well, really ever. Surrender is always the right thing to do and this was no exception. Even so, someone or something sensed it was too much for me and sent a friend to ‘rescue’ me from the darkness.

The friend who showed up was my dog, Ajax, or at least an entity who appeared like him. (I think it really was him, though.) I was a lone, golden light in the darkness and suddenly his face was before me and I reached out and cupped it in my hands. He looked at me in the way he always did; his gaze was always inscrutable and wise as if he was seeing more than he let on. I caressed him, overjoyed to be reunited with him again after so long. (I’ve never encountered him before, even immediately after he died last year.)

I stayed with him and he led me across a threshold into the light. We were among pines in the winter. There was snow and the branches were limned with frost. It was beautiful and also familiar, one of the realms of the Native Americans. Ajax lay beside me, staring at me with his wise and inquisitive eyes. He was just as I remembered him, my beautiful black and white collie.

I looked up and saw a grandmother and grandfather. They were familiar to me as well, two guides I have met before in different journeys into the Imaginal. I bowed to them (and Ajax.) I always feel a little uncomfortable when I find myself in a Native American realm and when I meet Native American elders because I know I am white and therefore part of the problem, not the solution. They didn’t seem to mind, though, and welcomed me as they always have. 

I realized then that I could still feel a ‘hole’ into the blackness of the realm I had just visited inside my heart. It was like my heart was a portal back to that realm. It felt right, though, not ominous. I understood that was part of my reason for being here in this realm of the indigenous North Americans. The grandmother and grandfather were glad to see me, of course, but they were also expectant. I wasn’t just there for a social visit but had been called for a reason.

The reason soon became clear because a spirit traveled through the ‘hole’ in my heart, traveling out of the blackness and into this realm, transforming as it did so. I was reminded again of that scene in the movie, ‘Spirited Away,’ when Chihiro aids a slime spirit, helping to cleanse it of filth so that it could become purified, returning back to its true form of a river spirit. This spirit appeared much the same way, although it was more air than water. It flew through me, out into this new spirit realm, released and freed and sighing with relief. It was a great blessing and a great boon and I was profoundly touched and bowed deeply to the freed spirit and to the grandmother and grandfather. If I can ever do anything to help them again, I will gladly do so.

I was sad to leave Ajax but also heartened. He seemed so perfectly at home here in this spirit realm. How could I not be happy for him?


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