December 24, 2022

 I was distracted through much of my meditation today, although I could tell that someone was trying to get my attention. In the last ten minutes of the meditation, I was finally sufficiently still inside to answer the call.


I was standing in a foggy swamp. Tendrils of mist swirled around me. The air was still and heavy. The water was fetid. All around were the trunks of drowned trees. The water and air were almost the same color, a grayish blue. I am making it sound forbidding but it wasn’t. Also, it wasn’t scary. This is one of those places in the Imaginal that serve as a boundary between realms and I’ve visited many of them over the past two years. It possessed its own eerie beauty.


As I stood there, a crystalline, white dragon descended and peered into my eyes. I knew this dragon; it was the same dragon that had appeared before Griffin and me almost two years ago at the beginning of these trips into the Bardo. If you go back to that journal entry, you’ll read that Griffin–horny as always–seduced the dragon when she transformed into a beautiful woman. This precipitated my little temper tantrum in which I berated him for violating the ‘rules’ of the Bardo. He agreed and then left me alone for a number of weeks before I was finally reunited with him.


Well, needless to say, I didn’t seek to have sex with the dragon when she transformed into a woman. The dragon's scales shimmered with rainbows and her body was sinuous. She was clearly a dragon of Chinese origin, delicate and elegant unlike the heavier-bodied dragons that one meets in the Indo-European realms.


As I gazed into her eyes, we were transported to her home realm, a gorgeous place of white crystal. Everything was crystalline and shimmering, full of light. The birds were crystal, the trees were crystal, the water was crystal. Everything was crystal. In this realm, she was no longer a dragon but a woman. A very beautiful and wise woman. I couldn’t help crying when I saw her.


We stood facing each other for a long time. As an American lacking in social graces, I’m always torn at these times. The American in me wants to do something but the call is clear: Don’t do anything; just be. So, I stood there regarding her until it finally dawned on me to make an offering to her. Like yesterday, the only thing I had to offer was my heart and I held it out to her in my hands. My hands were filled with a bluish white light.


As she accepted my gift, she transformed from white crystal. Her coloring shifted to a more ‘normal’ brown skin tone. Her cloak became whitish blue. I looked around and realized we were back in the swamp. As I gazed upon her, I realized that her eyes were now black. Such deep, dark black! The blackness expanded until her whole face was black. Then her entire body was black.


I’m a little slow on the uptake sometimes. In retrospect, it was clear that the black was an invitation from the Absolute. This has happened how many times before and still I’m mystified every time? My role by now should be clear and yet I still hesitate. I guess it’s better to hesitate than to jump into action and screw things up. In any case, it’s not like there is a stop watch or timer set and there is nothing to lose if I hesitate.


Gradually, I realized that the black was an invitation and I needed to step inside. I did so, entering the still darkness. I stood there for a while, waiting. After a while, I could see her: A young woman drained of color and of life, lying on the floor in a spreading pool of her blood. Her skin and hair were so drained of color that they looked like glass. This is very similar to how Griffin appeared to me last Saturday when I encountered him in the cave. And, like Griffin, the reason this young woman was so drained of color and energy was because she had committed suicide. 


I knelt on the cold, stone floor and cradled her in my arms, crying soft tears. I didn’t know the precise details of her life and death but I could surmise enough. Plus, the pain and heaviness of her mood permeated the place. She was so weak! I held her against my heart for a long time, feeling her gradually begin to stir. Her breathing deepened and steadied. I told her that she was no longer lost, no longer without hope. I told her that hope had sent me to her, that no one is ever forgotten and everyone’s pain and desperation is always answered.


Slowly, her color returned and, when she was ready, I helped her to stand and together we left the darkness and returned to the guide who was waiting for her in the swamp. I took the young woman’s hand and placed it in the hand of her guide and bowed to them both, wishing them love and blessing on their journey.


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