March 27, 2022

 My goodness but my self-preservation instinct is strong! I’ve been watching for a number of years now how it has been getting triggered, probably because I’m middle-aged now and I am watching the inevitable physical decline and death of many people I’ve known for years. Inevitably, this brings out my superego and triggers my self-pres instinct. It’s a pain in the ass and also pretty amazing how much the combination of superego and fear can warp my sense of reality. They are a powerful combination and I get why so many people are on antidepressants and antianxiety meds. Fortunately, I have my spiritual practice because without the three legs of the stool (meditation, inquiry and sensing), I would be old before my time and heavily medicated.


At its worst, the fear/superego combo can be paralyzing and make me doubt everything I’ve learned and experienced over the years. Again, thanks to my practice, I can recognize it and counteract the effects. I am still amazed by how powerful the warping effect of the combo is - it really distorts reality in such a believable way. It spurs the question: How do I know what is real and what is distortion? After sitting with this question, I come to this answer: Openness v. Closedness. When I’m in the grips of a fear spiral, I am closed. When I am in touch with reality, my inner state is open. My mind and heart are open. Also, I have a sense of humor. In the fear spiral, the world shrinks and becomes darker, more menacing. When I’m open, the world is bright and light, there is possibility. Another thing: When I’m open, I welcome whatever Reality is offering as a gift, even if it’s difficult, painful or unpleasant. There is a confidence that a path will be revealed. In the fear spiral, everything feels like a dead end that leads deeper into despair. It is smothering, choking. A morass.


These are good discriminations to make and are very useful. Again, I have my practice to thank for this. Simply doing the sitting practice is usually enough to awaken me to the ground of Being. Being is fundamentally benevolent and it’s not passive. Invariably, when I’m in need of a good kick in the pants, Being is there. It always acts with compassion…and force when necessary. This ability to rely on the support and benevolence of Being has a deep impact on me and helps to realign me to the Truth. It’s like recalibrating a compass.

Popular posts from this blog

Introduction

Image
WARNING: While this blog is generally SFW, some entries contain sexually explicit/queer content. NOTE: It's best to read this blog starting with the first entry on January 3, 2021 , and then proceed chronologically. It will be a lot less confusing! I have been a student of the Diamond Approach (DA) since my mid twenties. I've dedicated my life to that path and have found it to be incredibly effective at piercing through the veil of the ego and revealing the sublime nature of reality. For those of you who aren't familiar with it, DA is a spiritual path elucidated by A.H. Almaas. It combines depth psychology with elements of Sufism and eastern mysticism. In my opinion, it's one of a handful of effective spiritual teachings. Students invariably experience release from their habitual, constructed self and delve into some deep and profound dimensions of reality. I can't do it justice in just a few sentences but you can check out the school's website here if you&#
Read more

April 23, 2024

  This morning’s experience was of the trippy, fantastical variety reminiscent of my first journeys into the Imaginal. I even went back to the white and cobalt blue city that I visited in my initial excursions into the Bardo. I started off thinking about how very strange most of the people are who do spiritual work. It seems like the people with the healthy egos don’t do spiritual work even though they are the best candidates. Instead, it’s a thieves' den of broken and unstable people (I don’t exempt myself from this classification) and these tend to have egos that aren’t well suited for the extreme dissolution required for spiritual transformation. Consequently, the broken become seekers and it takes them a very, very, very long time to in general to truly change. Most barely shift their perspectives at all. It’s kind of dispiriting. I began my meditation with that thought on my mind. After sitting for a while, I heard a voice, the voice of the Divine in my heart. It said, “I call
Read more

February 27, 2024

  No Imaginal sex today for once. ;-)  I was really planning to have a simple meditation but it didn’t work out that way. I became aware of the Black and then I realized I was surrounded by a pack of what I thought at first were black wolves. Their eyes glowed light blue, the color I have come to associate with the Land of Souls, for lack of a better name. These weren’t wolves, though, because, while they seemed menacing at first, I soon realized they were just agitated. They appeared to be huskies which are sort of wolf-like so I can be forgiven for mistaking them. In any case, the black dogs surrounded me, barking insistently and pleading for me to follow them.  I was still in the realm of the Absolute but it was a border region. All I had to do was look outward and I could see the edge of the realm. Up ahead was a shining blue-white beacon. It was so beautiful that it brought tears to my eyes. One of the dogs took my wrist in his mouth and pulled me toward the beacon. As we approach
Read more