February 13, 2023

 I’m still not sure how much stock to put in this but I’ll write it down anyway and see what happens. As always, I go back and forth over these experiences, sometimes thinking they point to something real and sometimes thinking they’re just fantasies.

For the past month, I’ve had instruction during my meditations from the one I refer to as Gabriel, although I don’t know if that’s really who he is. He’s a very fun teacher - lighthearted and joyful with a wicked sense of humor. He’s very permissive and doesn’t judge or condemn anywhere my mind goes. He’s also very focused and provides excellent instruction.

Mostly, he’s been teaching focus but more than that, he’s been instructing me on the meaning of enlightenment and the way of the Bodhisattva. The Bodhisattva is an enlightened being who doesn’t decide to forgo dwelling in the state of Nirvana. Indeed, Nirvana is present in the experience of every Bodhisattva. The Bodhisattva is a development of the soul and the lotus is the perfect metaphor. Unlike the way I’ve learned about the lotus as starting out in the mud and growing into a thing of beauty, the teaching I’ve received is a different understanding.

The lotus never leaves the mud. Its roots run deep into it, so deep they eventually reach the bedrock of Reality itself. It reaches up through the strata all the way to Nirvana and dwells in Nirvana while simultaneously dwelling in all of the other realms. This is necessary because, if it weren’t so, the light of pure Being would never reach the other strata and there would be no hope. 

The soul is much more like a plant than anything else, especially when viewed through the lens of nondoing. The enlightened soul does not do anything, it simply listens and obeys. Its very presence is enough because its presence is catalytic. It ‘goes’ where the light leads and it is the representative of the light, bringing the light needed for growth, change, healing and development to occur.

Today, I first saw an avatar. I could tell it wasn’t a living being but it was living Being. It was a form of pure Being, appearing before me almost as a robot. It’s head was mirrorlike and it was made of shiny metallic material, both intense silver and intense gold. I understood them to be the qualities of Gold (Truth) and Silver (Will). This avatar was a warrior, made of shiny metal and wielding an incredibly sharp sword. As I stared at its ‘face’ I saw both the face of the entity hidden inside and the reflection of the entity behind me.

I was standing facing the avatar in a forest of misty pines. Behind me, was a skeletal wolf-human hybrid creature, sort of like a werewolf. It was so gaunt! I immediately felt sorry for it and reached out and enfolded it in my arms even though it was quite a ferocious-looking thing. It didn’t fight back but allowed me to hug it. It folded its head over my shoulder and hugged me back with its vicious claws. I was crying.

I turned and looked back at the avatar, uncertain what to do at first. After contemplating it for a while, it was clear that it was an interface of sorts and I needed to pass through it in order to reach the creature trapped inside. This turned out to be correct. The avatar was both a warrior and a portal. I could push through it and enter blackness. Inside the blackness was a creature like the starving werewolf I’d just hugged in the forest. This creature, however, was not starving and appeared much softer, less scary. It was still vaguely lupine, though.

At this point, my mind started trying to figure out what the fuck all this meant. None of it made sense! Before I could get too far down into the weeds trying to figure it out, I heard Gabriel’s guidance in my mind: “Don’t do anything. Don’t try to figure it out. Just listen and obey.”

I listened, not doing anything to either help or hinder the creature ‘trapped’ in darkness. I perceived a wound in the creature’s side. It appeared to be made by a sword blade. I knew the blade belonged to the avatar. The wound, however, was not fatal and it didn’t appear to cause the creature distress. I reached out and felt inside the wound, discovering there was a silver ball lodged inside. I removed the ball.

Now, my mind immediately went to the legend of werewolves being slain by silver bullets. The only thing was this wasn’t a bullet and it hadn’t been shot. Rather, it was clear the blade had created the ‘injury’ in the creature’s side. I sat with this and listened. Slowly, I realized the avatar had created the wound on purpose to free the silver orb in the creature’s chest. It had been lodged beneath its heart in its sternum.

I was still holding the orb and examined it, realizing it wasn’t a steel ball but a precious pearl, swirling with silver and gold: The Pearl Beyond Price. This pearl needed to be freed in order to be seen, to be recognized and therefore to develop. I still exactly understand and Gabriel was clear, my understanding wasn’t needed in this process. My role is simply to be present and to shed light. Without my presence, none of this would have happened even though I don’t know exactly what happened. Without my soul’s presence, the werewolf creature in the forest would not have encountered the avatar and seen inside. Without my presence, the creature ‘trapped’ in darkness would not have seen the Pearl, would not have seen its counterpart on the other side. The rest was up to ‘them.’

This is the symbolic realm so everything is metaphorical. Nothing is quite as it appears and meaning must be discerned. The feeling I have from this encounter is one of healing a split. What that split is, I can only guess. A split between the inner and outer, between the animal and the human. It feels like integration could happen now whereas before it was blocked. I don’t know what is being integrated, only that my presence was needed but this was not my business to figure it out.

Anyway, take it for what you will. I still maintain I could have just been making the whole thing up.

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