July 29, 2023

 I didn’t think anything would appear today because it’s been such a long week and I’m tired out from work. Nonetheless, near the end of my meditation, a vision took shape. 

I was in a forest of pine trees. It was humid and cool. I was pushing through the wet branches, they left moisture on my face and body. 

Ahead, there was a clearing. In the center of the clearing was an enormous, glowing white orb. I approached and touched the orb, realizing it was the egg of an insect. A very large insect. The egg was beautiful with an interlaced, intricate webbing that created the soft shell. As I touched it, it broke open and a big, slimy larva slid out, landing on the forest floor in amidst a pile of glowing goo.

I know the picture I’ve painted doesn’t sound pretty but it was the opposite. Oh, sure, the larva was ugly in a way, having a big, mushy body with a rather ferocious looking head, complete with a pair of big pincers. However, its body radiated a soft white glow with a lacing of green and I knew that this larva would become something like a lacewing when it was mature. It might look like an antlion right now but that was just its current appearance. Plus, the creature exuded a deep benevolence.

I hugged the antlion about the ‘neck’ and it responded by nuzzling me with its pincers. As I hugged it, its body dried off and I could feel its strength increasing. Soon, it was ready. Ready for what, I could only guess but knew that it wanted me to ride on its back. So I did.

It’s weird riding on the back of an undulating larva with no legs. Progress was slow. Still, there was no rush and it didn’t actually take that long before we reached a rushing stream. The stream wasn’t big, barely more than a creek, but its water was chill and I knew the antlion larva didn’t want to cross. I lay my body across the stream and the creature used me as a bridge, undulating over me.

The opposite side of the stream was very different. The forest was gone and there were immense chunks of cobalt blue ice on a rocky shore composed of black rock. It looked like a glacier had retreated, leaving pieces of itself along the way. There was a cold wind. It was a barren and forbidding place.

I rode on the larva’s back to the shore of an immense cobalt blue ocean. Deep blue waves broke against the rock. On the edge of the beach, a smoky black pearl bobbed in the water. It was about eighteen inches in diameter and quite beautiful. I dismounted and picked it up, holding it out to the larva. It surprised me by reaching forward with its pincers and devouring the pearl. As it did so, it metamorphosed into an immense, pearly black ‘angel’ that was unlike any angel I’ve ever seen. The angels I’ve met so far have been basically human in appearance but this one was more insect-like than human. It did sort of resemble a lacewing, although with slightly human features. It was beautiful and powerful and deadly and awe-inspiring. I knelt and bowed before it.

The lacewing angel plucked me up in its legs and carried me across the cobalt blue ocean to a lone black island. The island was small, only a few hundred feet across, and barren. Its surface was composed of broken, black rocks. In the center stood a stout, black cross made of obsidian. It radiated the power of the Absolute and this, more than anything else, told me why the angel had brought me here.

There seemed to be something stuck in the cross; it was white and bony. I approached and,  realizing it was a skeleton, pulled on a bone and it easily came out of the cross. I took it gently in my arms and laid it out on the rocky ground.

At first, I thought that the skeleton was the reason I’d been called here but it turned out to be a red herring. (Well, it was part of the reason but not *the* reason as you’ll see in another few paragraphs.) I could tell this because I felt nothing as I looked down upon it. If it had meaning for me, I would have felt something.

The angel urged me back to the cross. I got up and, leaving the skeleton behind, approached the cross once again. This time, I put my hand out and touched it. It pushed through the stone without resistance and I moved forward, entering a black abyss of utter emptiness. ‘Well, this is familiar,’ I thought, moving into this Absolute blackness.

Before me was a black stone slab similar to the slab upon which I’d found the ‘jaguar man’ as described in my last journal entry. On this slab, however, there was just a man. Well, he had all of the usual features of a man except his skin was cobalt blue. His hair and beard were white. He was clearly in a state of suspended animation akin to death.

I approached and leaned over him, feelings welling up in my heart as I did so. A tear slid down my cheek and landed on his face. His eyelids fluttered open and he gazed up at me with wonder. ‘Why are you here?” he asked, obviously not recognizing me.

‘I’m here on behalf of a friend,’ I explained. ‘Someone who loves you dearly. Come with me.’

This is where I expected to find an opening in the blackness leading to the Crossroads. (If you’ve been reading these journal entries, you’ll know that is the common pattern.) However, I was mistaken; there was no opening leading to the Crossroads. Instead, after I took the man’s hand and helped him up, I found myself retracing my footsteps back to the cross. How, you ask? Even though it was pitch black, I could see a tiny white dot in the darkness. We walked toward this white dot and, when we stumbled back through the opening of the black cross, I realized the white was the toe bone of the skeleton. So, the skeleton was there to guide us back to the angel, I thought. 

It’s not easy to explain the meeting between the angel and the man. Let’s just say that if I needed a reminder of the depth of love that’s possible between a human and a completely ethereal entity, this was it. It was obvious that the two had an incredibly deep bond and shared an incredibly deep love. I wasn’t party to their shared history and probably never will be. It doesn’t make any difference, though. I saw what I saw and that was enough.

I was turning to leave when they stopped me. The angel said, “Don’t go. We need you for one last thing.”

I looked back questioningly, only to realize that my body had transformed into a portal. The telltale white glow of the Crossroads emanated from within me and I looked down at myself in surprise. I’m the doorway to the Crossroads, I thought. This is new!

They swept toward me, passing through my body as if it was air and disappeared. I knew they had gone to meet the Woman in White. They had gone to the Crossroads.


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