February 15, 2024

 I’ll never get over how some of these experiences are hyper-real, more than just visual because all sensing centers are active so there’s seeing, feeling, hearing, touching, absorption, sensing, and even smell (sometimes).

Today, I became aware of a giant, ancient tree on the crest of a hill in the wintertime. It was dusk and the sky was a diffuse blue. The trees branches spread far and wide before me. Because it was ostensibly winter, it had no leaves. Something about the blue color, though, reminded me of the color of the river of souls I sometimes encounter. The blue is always the same and I’ve come to associate it with the in-between realm that souls transit after life.

There was a lurching change of orientation as I realized the tree was actually the Ashvattha and the reason its branches were bare was because they weren’t branches but roots. The Tree of Life’s roots reach into the in-between realm of souls and its branches reach underground - in this case, they reach into the depths of the Absolute. 

Simply by becoming aware of this, the world reversed itself and now I was standing on the ground of Being, the branches of the Tree of Life reaching deep into the mystery of the Black. It was extremely beautiful, this tree bathed in blackness. Each leaf shone with a myriad of colors and, if I concentrated, I could see that each leaf was an entire universe. There were an endless array of them, each one unique, each one unimaginably vast. And the black lovingly caressed all of them.

Seeing/experiencing this, I understood another small part of the mysterious and immense and loving and beautiful power of the Absolute. That is, I understood that the cycle of life and death and rebirth is an endless one. The souls of the dead ‘feed’ the roots of the Tree of Life and this in turns feeds all of creation. It’s not only stunning but miraculous to behold.

Further, I saw how the various Essential qualities are like jewels, jewels that are like the atoms of creation. They come together in an endless, complex, beautiful and nonrepeating array. It is possible to know your own atoms; i.e., to know your own Essence and this knowing polishes the jewels so they become like a liquid, living crystalline fabric. So pure, so shining, so depthless and so alive. I see how this living crystalline matrix is like a body and that just the factness of this body means that it has a catalytic effect on anything that comes in contact with it. In a sense, the diamond body is the agency of the Absolute in Reality.

After seeing my own mirror-like, crystalline body, I had two experiences in rapid succession. First, a zombie-like dog came snarling at me out of the blackness. It was a pretty hideous-looking creature but I could tell it was neither a dog nor a zombie but a man. Simply allowing the zombie dog creature to be and not doing anything about it caused it to shift and change. Slowly, it morphed into the body of a big man. He was lying on his side seemingly asleep. I knew he was dead and that he hadn’t been the best person.

Time for gender-bending! As I stayed with him, he reverted back to his adult, human form. When he finally stirred, my ‘body’ changed to that of a woman. I knew that, when he looked at me, he saw her and not me. My guess is that I was his mother, based on what happened afterwards. You often hear of people meeting relatives during near-death experiences and I laugh to myself when I read them because it’s obvious the entities they’re meeting aren’t relatives, they just appear in a form that the person needs to feel reassured. If they showed up as they really were, it would probably be too alarming and you want the soul to relax, not freak out. So, I became Mother!

When he stood, we embraced and I could feel the Black enveloping us. By the time the Black receded, we were in a different place: The Crossroads. Also, he was no longer an adult man but a small, tender infant suckling on my breast. (See? I told you this was a gender-bender of an experience.) The baby’s skin was brown and his hair was black. (I mention this only because it provides context for the next experience.) The Woman in White was standing before me and I handed her the infant. She smiled and accepted, taking the baby onto his next stage which I’m assuming involved rebirth.

I thought I was done but, when I returned to the Absolute, there was another man waiting for me. He appeared ragged and tired and worn out. His body and face were gaunt but there was also an aliveness within him that the previous man lacked. As he saw me, I once again took the form of a woman. Maybe his mother or maybe someone else? It’s hard to tell. All I knew is that he responded to me, running up to me and hugging me fiercely. Even though I didn’t know him, I hugged him back, welcoming him into my arms.

The Black closed around us and I could feel his body transform. His body dissolved into the Black until there was only a tiny, glowing jewel left. I held this jewel in the palm of my hand. I closed my hand around it and moved forward. The Black dissolved once again I was back at the Crossroads. The jewel in my palm was more like a tiny grain of sand and I understood this is the ‘grit’ in the metaphorical oyster shell, the core upon which the ‘nacre’ of the Pearl Beyond Price forms. 

As I saw and understood this, the grain of sand became a baby boy. His skin was pearlescent and he glowed from within. He was quite beautiful.

The Woman in White was standing before me. “You’ve been busy this morning!” she commented, smiling. “And have learned much, I can see.” She held out her arms to receive the pearly baby. Reading my thoughts, she confirmed my suspicions. “Unlike the previous man, this one developed the beginnings of a Pearl in his life. Now, he carries this development within him into his next life so that he will continue to grow and develop into a true human being.”

She took in my current, feminine form, noting, “You shift form just like I do, becoming whichever gender or taking on whatever appearance is necessary. But you and I cannot be fooled. We know who we are and therefore recognize each other no matter what we may look like.”

As she turned to go, I realized the Tree of Life I’d seen with its branches in the Absolute and its roots in the deathless realm was like a yin/yang symbol. Further, it reminded me of my true spiritual mother and father. My mother lives in the realm of the Black and my father in the deathless realm. Looking upon the Woman in White, I saw that her body was pearlescent and shone with all colors, including the Black. I wondered for the first time if the reason we share the connection we do - and perhaps the reason she is training me like she does - is because we are related. Is she my mother?

We’ll have to wait and see.


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