March 4, 2024

 I had another multi-realmed experience today during meditation. These experiences are fluid and shifting. Also, the symbolism is more relevant to the person I’m sent to find but it pulls imagery out of my own experience to match it (more or less.)

First, I became aware of golden light in the midst of dark green and black. I approached. It took some time to resolve itself but I finally perceived a being in the midst of the golden light. The light, I should point out, was like buttercream rather than honey. In fact, everything in the midst of the pool of light appeared to be made from buttercream. (I’ve been to a ‘buttercream realm’ before during these journeys.) The figure before me was of ambiguous gender and appeared to be wearing a Medieval jester’s costume. As I watched, it collapsed, breaking into many pieces.

What to make of this?

I stared down at the fragments. As I did so, they dissolved, forming a black hole. I traveled down into the hole, finding myself in a vast, dark ballroom. In the center of the floor before me was a pool of golden light spilling down from the ceiling. There was a young woman dressed in a ballgown lying in the midst of the light. She appeared to be young, perhaps in her teens.

At first, I thought this was the soul I’d been called to find here but I soon realized that she was just an image. I felt nothing as I gazed down upon her; my heart remained unmoved. “So,” I thought, “if she’s not the one, then who is?” I started to look around.

The place reminded me of a ballroom I’ve visited before in a previous vision. Of course, these images are pulled out of my imagination so it would seem similar. The hall was long and wide. There were columns on either side of the ballroom and the walls were paneled. Many portraits hung on the walls. All of the portraits were of wealthy and important people wearing rich clothing and posed in a pretentious manner. Therefore, it was a bit of a surprise when I happened upon one of a green monster. (Green for envy, perhaps?) Curious, I approached and stared at the painting. My heart came alive as I did so and I realized the monster was only a soul who believed she was a monster. (I’ve come across such ‘monsters’ many times before.)

The monster was indeed a grotesque and fearsome beast more akin to a giant praying mantis than anything else. Its head was basically all mouth and its maw was lined with backward-pointing barbs. However, as I gazed upon this painting of a monster, it came alive and I could see the face of a boyish-looking girl staring back at me. Her expression was both anguished and haunted and I immediately felt compassion for her.

I stepped into the painting and took the monster in my arms, hugging it. As I did so, its form dissolved into blackness and I entered another realm. This one, too, was familiar; it was absolute blackness. It seems like every soul I encounter during these journeys is found somewhere within this ‘realm’. I found the girl holding her knees against her; she was terrified and alone and full of self-loathing. I don’t know exactly what happened but I gather that she felt both love and rivalry with the image of the girl lying on the floor of the ballroom. That girl had been very feminine and clearly enjoyed the trappings of femininity. This girl, however, was more of a tomboy and probably a lesbian. There was a connection between the two girls but I’m unclear what it was. Were they sisters? Twins?

The girl looked up at me and sobbed, “I killed her!”

Now, I could tell she didn’t really kill the other girl but she had done something that caused injury. The injury may or may not have been physical. It didn’t matter, though, because this girl felt wracked by guilt as a result. She also carried around a lot of guilt and self-loathing for her sexual orientation.

I knelt down and cradled her in my arms. I wanted her to know that she was safe and loved and that everything would be okay now. After a while, she allowed me to help her stand and we traveled back to the painting. (The monster collapsed in a pile of shimmering green dust as we did so.) And then back to the ballroom.

Seeing the image of the young woman lying on the floor, the girl ran over to her. She tried to pick her up, thinking she was injured but, like the monster, this woman dissolved into golden dust. The girls started sobbing uncontrollably.

I approached her. She was sitting on her knees in the rapidly disappearing dust, haloed in the golden light from above. I knelt beside her again and comforted her, allowing her to cry. Her grief was palpable but this time it felt pure and unrestrained, not laced with remorse and self-hatred. I suspected that I would need to take her to the Crossroads to meet the Woman in White; however, I was surprised when I looked up and realized we were in another realm. This was the realm I call ‘The Land of Truth’ because it’s pure gold. Everything is drenched in gold and bursting with love and life. It has more of a honey-like luminosity than the ‘buttercream realm’ I’d visited at the beginning of this journey.

Before us stood a young woman in a ballgown. Gazing upon her, I could see she was not a human soul or even a human being. This was a holy entity from this realm; however, like the Woman in White (and like me as well), she wore a form that the soul of the dead girl would respond to. Who better than the form of the one she believed she had injured so badly?

I smiled as the girl threw herself into the arms of this golden messenger. Even though there was some deceit involved, clearly this was exactly what the girl needed. They walked off together in the golden sunlight.

I suspect this girl was not really a girl but a full-grown woman. Like people with addictions who get frozen psychologically at the age when they started abusing substances, the souls of the dead stuck in the blackness of the Absolute adopt the form and size of their younger selves (when they aren’t taking themselves to be monsters.) Such was the case with this ‘girl’. I have no idea how old she really was when she died.

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