March 9, 2024

 A bit of a head-scratcher today that has left me unsettled. I’m pretty sure I did the right thing but am also questioning myself. I mean, it’s not like I have a choice with these ‘missions,’ right? They present themselves to me and I trust that they wouldn’t be available if it wasn’t the right time for the soul (or souls) involved. My actions are guided by intuition which is another way of saying non-doing. The non-doing practice is one of listening and acting upon what I ‘hear’.

I’m not exactly certain about the circumstances surrounding the death of the souls I encountered this morning. If I were to take a guess, I’d say it was a small cult whose members all died simultaneously. I’m not ready to go so far as to say it was a suicide cult because I get the sense their deaths were less suicide and more murder. But the picture is unclear and it feels like a complex mixture involving both suicide and murder. People are strange so it shouldn’t be surprising that their deaths can be strange as well.

I won’t go into a lot of detail because I don’t think the details are helpful. The basic gist is this: I found myself surrounded by giant insects with foggy white eyes. I could see these weren’t insects but people and the fuzzy whiteness of the eyes showed me that the human soul was encased in the body of the giant insects. These were like ants which are generally colonial and I felt the connection between all five of the big bugs. There was another, larger ant behind them and they were terrified of her. She was like the queen of the colony, I suppose, or you could call her the cult leader.

They crowded around me, desperate to get out of this place. To be fair, the place was not pleasant so I could see why they would want to escape. It felt even deader than the Cross Roads. Their suffering was immense. 

As I felt their suffering, my heart opened and a golden nectar flowed out of it. The ants quickly pressed against me and consumed it. Once they had drunk their fill, their bodies changed and they became like immense cocoons. Even the queen became a cocoon and soon I was presiding over a room full of sleeping cocoons.

The beings inside the cocoons developed rapidly and emerged as skeletal humans when they hatched. The place still felt quite dead, though, and I could feel the presence of another. I decided to investigate and started prowling around the perimeter.

The ‘room’ was basically a pile of bones and there was a spider made entirely out of bones scuttling around, just out of view. Its head was like a skull and crossbones and it had a deadly feel to it. I knew it was connected to the souls that had just hatched and deduced (correctly, I believe) that this spider was the cause of their deaths. Perhaps these cult members were participating some arcane ritual and this ‘spider’ poisoned them. In any case, he poisoned himself as well, joining them in death. 

I could tell this soul was different. Definitely not innocent and certainly guilty of something. Still, I felt an affinity for him, recognizing him as perhaps a brother. I approached and allowed him to drink from the nectar in my chest and he transformed from a spider into a black form that was vaguely human. I took him by the hand and dragged him over to the others.

The other souls recognized him and seemed surprised by his presence. I think they also figured out then that he’d had something to do with their demise. They weren’t angry with him, though, which seemed strange to me. Perhaps this really was a suicide cult?

It could tell it was time to go and moved to lead this odd group of souls away. First, however, I had to convince someone else to allow them to leave. There was another presence there, a non-human one. I guess you might call ‘him’ an Angel of Death. He appeared immense and powerful but also beautiful. Sort of like a towering black angel wearing a black robe. I approached him and asked that we be allowed to pass.

I had to work a bit to convince him but he eventually acceded and allowed us to pass. My words didn’t convince him, though; he only moved aside after studying me intently for a while. I bowed to him as we left.

After we exited the bone room, we found ourselves in a dark, foreboding forest. This place felt even more oppressive than the room had been. I led the group forward and the darkness grew even more complete until it was pitch black. Now, normally when souls enter the Black, they are transformed. This time, however, I knew that they needed to be shepherded through it unchanged. I became sort of a pocket in the blackness and the souls crowded around me, emerging on the other side of it unchanged.

We were at the Crossroads and the Woman in White was waiting for us but this time the place looked and felt different. And the Woman in White was different as well. The Crossroads felt very oppressive and colorless. And the Woman was like a hideous grayish white spider with blood-red eyes. She was quite formidable and I told her so. She didn’t reply to me, though, being too focused on the group of souls I’d led here. Without a word, she turned and led them away. As they left, I tried to reassure the little dark one who had been a bone spider when I first met him. I had a strong sense that I would meet him again.

After they left, I contemplated the events of the past few minutes. Unlike other journeys, this one had felt ambiguous and sort of disturbing. I was mindful, though, of the Woman in White’s words to me during a previous journey. They were something to the effect, “Your place is to listen and obey, not assert your own preferences. You’re only seeing a part of the overall process so you aren’t in the position to judge it.”

It seems I wasn’t the only one who had misgivings. As I stood there, I became aware of another. He appeared at first as a flickering form in the dim light. I wasn’t fooled, though. This was no human but a very powerful being from the Underworld. The flickering form was merely the tip of his tongue in the darkness; his real form was that of an immense copper-black snake.

He seemed surprised when I perceived his full form. Most people, I think, only see the tip of his tongue and mistake it for an angel. This was an overlord of sorts, a being more powerful than the angel I had previously encountered. He was curious about me and wondered if my actions had been appropriate. He seemed to think that I’d let the group out of their ‘prison’ too soon.

Just like with the angel, words were useless here. I couldn’t say anything in my defense, all I could do was allow him to see into me. He stared at me for a long time and, as he did so, the intimacy between us grew. He allowed me to reach out and stroke his silken scales. He was a fearsome creature but also quite beautiful. I felt a kinship with him as well because I could tell we both love the Absolute above all else.

Our meeting seemed to convince him. I mean, don’t get me wrong. I still question whether what happened was the right thing. But I trust that I was led and listened well. And I trust the Woman in White. She wouldn’t have appeared to lead them away if she didn’t think it was appropriate to do so. 

In the end, we let the questions hang in the air between us and bowed our heads to each other, taking our leave.

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