August 30, 2025
Earlier this week, I experienced my soul as a doorway through which the souls of the dead passed. On one side was pure blackness and on the other was a golden world. The souls drifted through, revitalized and ready to continue on. It’s not exactly unlike other experiences I’ve had but there was a key difference.
At a certain point, the Woman in White appeared and we had an intimate exchange that is only possible when you are in the Numinous without boundaries or solidity as we’re used to it in the physical world. After a while, we merged and I experienced a heightening of awareness and power as our two souls became more than the sum of us. It was a mindblowing experience that left me scintillating all over. Combined with her, her teaching was even more powerful as she showed me the experience of the White (as a counterpart of the Black.) It was both dissolving and emptying but not exactly annihilating. I took it be a taste, that she was showing me something through the direct experience of it.
Today, I once again experienced my soul as a doorway but it was more than that. I realized that not only was my soul a portal but it was also a golden palace constructed of living walls. Perspective could shift so that at one moment I was the doorway between black and gold and the other I was the golden palace whose beauty and ornaments were living. This is so different from a building in the physical world which requires destruction in order to be constructed. This is ‘construction’ without destruction as if the living soul shapes itself into a living temple. Or maybe it’s not ‘as if’ at all but the soul really is a living temple, completely sacred and divine.
I understood how I’m much more like a tree than a person. Trees are rooted in the ground like my soul is rooted in blackness, my roots stretching through the Underworld into the Absolute. And my ‘trunk’ is like a sacred temple, a respite for the weary. My branches reach far into the sky, covered in a multitude of leaves and providing sustenance, shelter and living space to an entire ecosystem. The sun is not a single point of light but the enveloping pure whiteness. At least this is how I experienced my soul today.
The Woman in White appeared and we merged, her being surrounding and permeating mine. I experienced the dissolving that leads to expansion and increased power. This time, however, we merged into the White and I felt my whole soul being erased. It is similar to the erasure of the Black but feels even more complete. This was another step in her teaching and I could understand why she was doing this with me: She wanted me to know the White without fear and indeed I was completely unafraid. It was a powerful teaching.
She kept asking me to describe my experience. She wanted to know what I saw, what I felt and what my body looked like (if I even had a body at all which sometimes I did not.) Eventually, the white dissipated and I was in a completely gray space. I’ve heard this described as the Gray Night and usually its described as featureless. It’s true that it was featureless and nondescript; however, I wasn’t identified with it so it did not seem depressing or scary as often people describe. It just felt like a suchness.
The gray resolved itself into a temple much like the golden one I had experienced in the beginning of the journey. The difference is that the windows of this temple opened into the bluish light of the Soul River, a rushing torrent of souls screaming past. And, while its walls were living, they were also inert like the Gray Night. In the foreground across from me was pure blackness.
Gradually a dark form resolved itself within the blackness. At first demonic with horns and leathery wings, it changed into a humanlike male form when it stepped into the gray light of the temple. The Woman in White asked me if I recognized this person and I realized that I did. He was one of my brethren from my life before being embodied in the physical world. This man–even though he’s not a man at all, that was how he appeared to me–was aware of me but could not see me. His body and clothes were gray but his eyes shone with golden light. However, the Woman in White pointed out that, unlike my eyes (which, of course, I cannot see) which were also gold, the man lacked irises and pupils which meant he was essentially blind.
He could feel me, though, and I embraced him. He sagged into my arms, overcome by grief and sadness. I soothed him as best as I could, telling him that he hadn’t failed, that his state was not an ending state, that this was merely part of his journey. None of us are ever done with our journey but nonetheless we always seem to feel like the journey has a beginning, middle and an end and we measure our progress as such. It’s not accurate because we are always beginning; there is no middle or end.
The Woman in White watched us. After a while, she urged me to take him to the Crossroads and, even though there was no movement, the scene around us shifted until we were standing in that eerie white woods. The man shifted but didn’t become an infant or a zygote as usually happens. Rather, it was like the bandages were removed from his eyes and he could finally see me and the Woman in White. We embraced and had some time together before the Woman in White led him away, leaving me behind until the end of my meditation.
The Woman in White is definitely teaching me but her lessons always surprise me and show me things that I hadn’t believed were possible. Today she seemed at pains to show me that the cycle of birth and death is fraught and difficult for the souls of the dead. It challenges them deeply and many get lost or sidetracked, sometimes for a long time. The role of the ‘trees’ like me is mysterious but I’m seeing little bits at a time. I doubt I’ll ever fully understand and maybe it’s not possible to because full understanding only comes at the end and there doesn’t seem to be any end. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, there is a far more to the cycle of birth, embodiment, release and death than I’ve ever appreciated.
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