August 26, 2021

 While I still don’t fully understand what’s going on with me, I feel a visceral sort of settling. My body feels at ease with what is happening even if my mind is perplexed and doesn’t know what to think. Also, these experiences don’t seem to be feeding my ego; i.e., I'm not aware of taking pride in them or using them to prop up my self image. Rather than my ego doing anything, I feel like I’m partly a channel for True Nature. It’s coming through me, I’m not doing anything. There’s more than that, though, because there does seem to be a unique contribution. I’m having these experiences because there is something unique about my soul and its capacities. It’s designed for these kinds of experiences. The transformation of my soul has been the result of years of hard work, both on “my” part and the part of True Nature - thanks to the Diamond Approach. The teaching is effective at clarifying the soul, thinning out the ego and instinctual structures so that True Nature can shine through the soul in its unique way. Each soul is different and therefore TN expresses itself differently through each soul. It’s not like one soul is better than another; they’re just different.

This morning, after opening to the blackness of the Absolute in my meditation, I found myself standing in a beautiful place. It was cold, probably late winter/early springtime. It was nightfall and the fading light of the sun stained the horizon a gorgeous mauve color. As I stood there, I felt a feminine presence and saw a stone barrow in the ground before me. I was aware that I could be standing any number of places throughout the ages and throughout different cultures. It could have been Christian, Buddhist, animist, etc. The presence could have been any goddess, the Virgin Mary, etc. I was aware that the scene and content revealed to me shifted and changed depending on my perception.


The barrow was a grave for many people, nearly all women and children. I got the sense they had been murdered by male warriors. Again, they could have been any number of cultures or civilizations; the specifics didn’t really matter. The spirits of the slain women and children emerged as I approached and I was aware that they weren’t seeing me per se, more likely they were aware of the shining white presence of the goddess streaming through me. I was merely the vessel for her.


This wasn’t about me so I stayed out of it, although that’s not to say I was unaffected. My heart went out to these women and girls and children and old people. How many others like them have been slaughtered over the centuries? It is a violence that stretches across time and cultures. An injustice that needs to be rectified one way or the other. This was one of those ways.


The goddess/spirit who inhabited my soul led the women and girls away. Where they went, I don’t know. I only know that I was left there alone for a time, wondering about what I’d just witnessed and participated in.


After a time, I became aware of a dark spirit. It appeared as a vicious bear made entirely out of blackness. Looking into it, I perceived the souls of the warriors who had perpetrated the slaughter. They were just as caught/stuck as the women had been. Seeing the blackness, I recognized it as distorted Black Essence, appearing as malevolence and hatred. The spirits making up this vicious bear had been here for a while so their hatred had lost its fire and showed up mostly as stuckness. The blackness inside them had ossified, leaving them trapped in a maze of their own devising.


I don’t mean to sound blase but I’m growing quite accustomed to this type of trap. Many of the lost souls I encountered are trapped in blackness and lack the ability to free themselves from it. My job is to go inside and occupy the black, be open to the spirits and all of their unresolved issues. I feel them, inviting them in, opening my heart to them. I’m not there to punish them, my job is just to be with them and help them to open to the blackness in a way that will lead them to their freedom.


This time, the men trapped in the blackness had a lot of work yet to do. During my meditation, I was unable to free them but that was perfectly fine. There is no clock on the process. True Nature has all the time in the world, as is clear from some of the souls I’ve encountered who have clearly been deceased for a long time. Also, time moves differently in the numinous realms so I can’t be certain how long these souls actually feel like they’ve been dead or even if they know they are dead.


There was nothing to do but hang out in the midnight blackness with these men who had murdered innocents. Unlike when the goddess/spirit possessed me, this time I was clear that it was my soul here that these men were aware of. For some reason, it seemed important for them to be in contact with another soul that shows up as male. Maybe it’s easier that way? I don’t know. I don’t question it; I just abide with them.


And part of me is still abiding with them. I suspect at some point they were find their way on their journey but for now they are with me in the blackness.


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