February 20, 2024
This morning, each of the aspects of Essence arose within my experience. Green was first, an intense, full-sensory experience of the Loving Kindness. So rich, so deep, so beautiful. Gradually it faded into the Black until I perceived the Black Emerald, a diamond-like arising of the Black and Green together. Green was followed by Red, then Yellow, then Gold, then Blue, then Turquoise, Crystal and Amethyst. These aspects were like precious jewels but the experience was far more than just seeing them. Each one arose and then dissolved into Black. The last one to arise was the Pearl Beyond Price, the shimmering, pearlescent arising of all aspects of Essence, arising in a unique and personal way.
Finally, all aspects arose and formed a resplendent crown upon my head with the Pearl in the center. I realized that all of the higher beings I’ve met have had such crowns. They are not like crowns in the human realm which have to do with royalty and riches and dominion. This crown was more like the sovereignty of Being, precious but also nothing that can ever be possessed. Because it can never be owned, its presence is received with humility rather than pride. It is a great honor but not an honor that the ego can claim. And it’s not meant for me but for everything.
I remember receiving the honor of the Cloak of Being and the Scepter of Being. I’m not sure but I think this is the first time I’ve received the Crown of Being. I’ve probably experienced something like it before but nothing this strong and clear.
The experience was over relatively soon. It doesn’t matter because it wasn’t meant to be savored; it is no victory and says nothing other than this: I recognize my own sovereignty as the personal expression of Being. That’s all. It’s pretty simple and straightforward but also profound. Additionally, most of the souls I meet during my meditations don’t know themselves as Being and therefore can be deceived and get quite lost. They need someone to guide them on their journey. I’m not saying that I can’t get lost or deceived, only that I can find my way back to the path. That’s just how Being works, or how the Truth works. Being and Truth are the same thing.
After a while, I became aware of a snickering, snide presence. It appeared like a worm burrowing into a log. I recognized the wood as the structure of ego and this worm was both made of ego and also intent on destroying it at the same time. This was the soul of a person who is both caught in the vicissitudes of ego and believes themselves to be free of it. Someone who stands on the sidelines and viciously criticizes without ever taking a risk of their own. It’s a common position, one I’ve embodied numerous times myself. This soul, however, was very deeply identified with this wormlike thing.
What to do but simply sit and stay with the experience. I trusted that the truth would eventually be revealed. After a while, I was able to see past the wormlike maggot to the fleshy body of the individual behind it. This was a male and a rather obese one at that. He seemed very isolated, connected to the world perhaps only through the Internet. There, he was a cynical actor, a troll of sorts. Or maybe a gremlin. Lobbing bombs and snickering as he ran away.
I stayed with this man, telling him that it was time to cross over, to enter the Black. As the truth of my ‘words’ sunk in. He became even more human, more frightened, more vulnerable. This was actually refreshing. Being more human made him more sympathetic and more touchable. “See?” I told him. “This is what you were missing by being a pain in the ass.” (I didn’t say it quite so bluntly but he got the message.
Gathering him up in my arms, I moved into the Black. The Green arose within it, becoming a deep Emerald Black. So beautiful, so loving, so kind and so deep. Powerful. Annihilating but in a kind way. By the time we moved through the Black into the realm of the Crossroads, he’d become a little boy. Full of life and energy and excitement and joy. He ran laughing from my arms to the waiting Woman in White. She, I noticed, appeared much like ‘Glinda the Good Witch’ from the movie, The Wizard of Oz. Only she was dressed in a gown of white diamonds and radiated even more love and compassion. She gathered the boy up in her arms. I was deeply affected by the scene because his joy was so palpable and so much the opposite of his previous egoic identity. It gave me hope as well as joy.
The Woman in White inclined her head to me, smiling. I could tell she was amused by her appearance. (We don’t have any control over how we appear; that is determined by the ones we are aiding.) And then she turned and left, walking down the road through the snowy forest with the little, giggling boy.
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